The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family

Dr. Purvis spent much of her life studying and working with adopted children from many walks of life. In her book "The Connected Child" she makes gross generalizations for ALL adopted children stating that they are ALL "at risk" and therefore all will act out. As I have read this book, I can see the behaviors she describes in many children, biological or adopted. In fact, as I reflect on my childhood, I see many of the behaviors in myself. The parenting techniques that Dr. Purvis offers are great and often work very well. The techniques don't include screaming and yelling, solitary punishment, or physical punishment. The techniques are focused on redirection and correction of the behaviors. It gives you techniques on how to train a child to control their behaviors and express how they are feeling. It gives insights on how to help your child make decisions by giving them choices. It gives you tools to use to help kids to stop and think about what they have just done wrong, and how to do it right. If you can read past the generalizations of "at risk" adopted children, the parenting techniques and tools provided in this book are great and I think any parent, of biological children or adopted, can benefit from the lessons.

This is the textbook for foster (and fost-to-adopt) parents. If you do not have it yet, stop reading reviews now and buy it on your tablet or Kindle or audible so you can read it immediately. If you have friends or family new to fostering, buy them this book now. This book should be given to every foster parent upon completion of training or during training. It's a shame they mention the book, the author, and the research during training but not simply hand out the book as your reference Bible for the tough times sure to come. I wish we had this book when we had our first placement. He had been through hell and his behaviors were beyond our comprehension. Within the first few pages of the book is a table that connects behaviors to feelings that should be passed out to every foster parent before a child moves in.

Well, our second international adoption and the adoption agency requires this reading. I went in with an open mind but like most things I am ready to critique if the value is not there. Like most books written by those with PhD's, a lot of long winded repetitive talking on same subject matter just to hear themselves talk and seem intelligent. The author even cites several times from readers how "she" was so instrumental in assisting them through this book. I am not going to say one way or the other if it did indeed help but when you call out the parade on yourself I find the lack of humility to be quite distasteful. Just make a note in the beginning or end of the book that from feedback this book was said to be helpful to some readers and be done. But to cite your name even if truly was said by a reader seems quite pretentious. Like I said, a lot of repetitive subject matter on children from orphanages and how to deal with them. I really am not trying to take anything away from the books author but it could have quite possibly been written in 100 pages tops rather than going on and on. Some here I know will disagree with me but we are all entitled to our own summation of the quality of the product. Two stars...….reason being, I found a few interesting points, but most like stated just beat that dead horse a little more.

Was this book really only $6.74?! I have a decent foundation in child development and managing "normal" behavior, but I read this book in preparation for becoming a foster parent to kids who have experienced trauma. This is an absolutely fabulous book on basic parenting, with very specific instructions for how to work with troubled children. I love it and I know I am going to be structuring our home life around what I've learned from this book.

This was a very helpful book! We are in the process of adoption, and it was recommended to us to read this book. We have listened to Dr. Purvis in the past and learned so much for her approach. This book will be kept within handy reach. She has so many wonderful ideas for how to interact with a child coming from a traumatic background. It is helpful for any child, not just a foster or adopted child!

This book is about attachment parenting or caregiving to children who have come through difficult situations. It gives ideas on how to approach a difficult child with love and understanding. I will keep this book as a companion to my baby book on attachment parenting called Christian Parenting and Childcare by Dr. William Sears. This particular book does NOT use scripture but it is scriptural in its teaching. Good for foster children, adoptive children from other cultures and children who have been in violent or emotionally abusive homes.

This book was recommended to me by my adoption caseworker and by other adoptive moms in a public forum. I strongly recommend it! We are about to adopt siblings and, even though they don't have any current behavior concerns like hoarding or RAD, this book has still been helpful in parenting any children who have experienced trauma. The book has lots of examples and lots of specific ways to help connect and support your children. I'm about halfway through the book now (I read half and then re-read half with a pencil, making notes and underling parts I wanted to remember) and the chapters on "Felt Safety" and "Teaching Life Values" have been the most helpful so far - well, that our struggles are not ours alone - others have had them and many have surpassed them. Karyn Purvis is an expert in the field - and after reading this book, I understand why her name is so well known. Her work is realistic, down to earth, and filled with hope. If you are adopting or work with foster or adopted children, this is a great read. The book's main points are: - The key is to treat the whole child - and we'll help you do that! - Start where your child is - Compassion is key - Focus on nurturing and structure / connecting and correcting - "At-risk youngsters are capable of making tremendous strides toward overcoming early hardships and limitations."

I was afraid the book would tell me to just be more patient and understanding, because I was so maxed out and stressed with the constant screaming and fits. To my utter relief, there are strategies that WORK. My little guy is 2, so I can't speak for older kids and kids from different situations, but these strategies produced IMMEDIATE results!! We still have a long way to go. The behaviors haven't stopped, but they are much less frequent and shorter in duration. Hallelujah!! I'm also using these things with my other kids. I've changed the way I treat my 11 year old by offering more eye contact. My other two year old used to cry at nights, repeatedly. Now, I use one of the phrases the book gave me and we can resolve whatever it is and she doesn't cry again. Wow! I think every parent would LOVE this book.

After floundering for the past year trying to parent our boys in a traditional way, we were introduced to TBRI and this book. Karyn and David are compassionate, thoughtful, patient and have research that backs up this method. We have been using TBRI for several months and it is doing wonders for both my husband and myself, and our boys. If you have children from hard places, trauma, or even if you're looking for a new, connected way to parent your children that do not come from trauma, I highly recommend this book. I plan on reading it again and again.

This gave step by step instructions for situations that are pretty severe. Like what to do and say after you find your child throwing wooden blocks at another child on purpose. When I follow the guidelines described here and it doesn't work, I still feel like I knew what to do. Some situations will still leave your child melting down on the floor, but now I have five good things to try first and you can start over again when your child can hear you. You can't always control the child. You can only control what you do, so if you stay calm and following a series of steps then you have succeeded. You can't judge yourself by results alone. I have learned that the hard way. To feel good about myself I needed to feel like I was successfully applying the behavioral advice found in this book. Good luck!

Dr. Purvis spent much of her life studying and working with adopted children from many walks of life. In her book "The Connected Child" she makes gross generalizations for ALL adopted children stating that they are ALL "at risk" and therefore all will act out. As I have read this book, I can see the behaviors she describes in many children, biological or adopted. In fact, as I reflect on my childhood, I see many of the behaviors in myself. The parenting techniques that Dr. Purvis offers are great and often work very well. The techniques don't include screaming and yelling, solitary punishment, or physical punishment. The techniques are focused on redirection and correction of the behaviors. It gives you techniques on how to train a child to control their behaviors and express how they are feeling. It gives insights on how to help your child make decisions by giving them choices. It gives you tools to use to help kids to stop and think about what they have just done wrong, and how to do it right. If you can read past the generalizations of "at risk" adopted children, the parenting techniques and tools provided in this book are great and I think any parent, of biological children or adopted, can benefit from the lessons.

This is the textbook for foster (and fost-to-adopt) parents. If you do not have it yet, stop reading reviews now and buy it on your tablet or Kindle or audible so you can read it immediately. If you have friends or family new to fostering, buy them this book now. This book should be given to every foster parent upon completion of training or during training. It's a shame they mention the book, the author, and the research during training but not simply hand out the book as your reference Bible for the tough times sure to come. I wish we had this book when we had our first placement. He had been through hell and his behaviors were beyond our comprehension. Within the first few pages of the book is a table that connects behaviors to feelings that should be passed out to every foster parent before a child moves in.

Well, our second international adoption and the adoption agency requires this reading. I went in with an open mind but like most things I am ready to critique if the value is not there. Like most books written by those with PhD's, a lot of long winded repetitive talking on same subject matter just to hear themselves talk and seem intelligent. The author even cites several times from readers how "she" was so instrumental in assisting them through this book. I am not going to say one way or the other if it did indeed help but when you call out the parade on yourself I find the lack of humility to be quite distasteful. Just make a note in the beginning or end of the book that from feedback this book was said to be helpful to some readers and be done. But to cite your name even if truly was said by a reader seems quite pretentious. Like I said, a lot of repetitive subject matter on children from orphanages and how to deal with them. I really am not trying to take anything away from the books author but it could have quite possibly been written in 100 pages tops rather than going on and on. Some here I know will disagree with me but we are all entitled to our own summation of the quality of the product. Two stars...….reason being, I found a few interesting points, but most like stated just beat that dead horse a little more.

Was this book really only $6.74?! I have a decent foundation in child development and managing "normal" behavior, but I read this book in preparation for becoming a foster parent to kids who have experienced trauma. This is an absolutely fabulous book on basic parenting, with very specific instructions for how to work with troubled children. I love it and I know I am going to be structuring our home life around what I've learned from this book.

This was a very helpful book! We are in the process of adoption, and it was recommended to us to read this book. We have listened to Dr. Purvis in the past and learned so much for her approach. This book will be kept within handy reach. She has so many wonderful ideas for how to interact with a child coming from a traumatic background. It is helpful for any child, not just a foster or adopted child!

This book is about attachment parenting or caregiving to children who have come through difficult situations. It gives ideas on how to approach a difficult child with love and understanding. I will keep this book as a companion to my baby book on attachment parenting called Christian Parenting and Childcare by Dr. William Sears. This particular book does NOT use scripture but it is scriptural in its teaching. Good for foster children, adoptive children from other cultures and children who have been in violent or emotionally abusive homes.

This book was recommended to me by my adoption caseworker and by other adoptive moms in a public forum. I strongly recommend it! We are about to adopt siblings and, even though they don't have any current behavior concerns like hoarding or RAD, this book has still been helpful in parenting any children who have experienced trauma. The book has lots of examples and lots of specific ways to help connect and support your children. I'm about halfway through the book now (I read half and then re-read half with a pencil, making notes and underling parts I wanted to remember) and the chapters on "Felt Safety" and "Teaching Life Values" have been the most helpful so far - well, that our struggles are not ours alone - others have had them and many have surpassed them. Karyn Purvis is an expert in the field - and after reading this book, I understand why her name is so well known. Her work is realistic, down to earth, and filled with hope. If you are adopting or work with foster or adopted children, this is a great read. The book's main points are: - The key is to treat the whole child - and we'll help you do that! - Start where your child is - Compassion is key - Focus on nurturing and structure / connecting and correcting - "At-risk youngsters are capable of making tremendous strides toward overcoming early hardships and limitations."

I was afraid the book would tell me to just be more patient and understanding, because I was so maxed out and stressed with the constant screaming and fits. To my utter relief, there are strategies that WORK. My little guy is 2, so I can't speak for older kids and kids from different situations, but these strategies produced IMMEDIATE results!! We still have a long way to go. The behaviors haven't stopped, but they are much less frequent and shorter in duration. Hallelujah!! I'm also using these things with my other kids. I've changed the way I treat my 11 year old by offering more eye contact. My other two year old used to cry at nights, repeatedly. Now, I use one of the phrases the book gave me and we can resolve whatever it is and she doesn't cry again. Wow! I think every parent would LOVE this book.

After floundering for the past year trying to parent our boys in a traditional way, we were introduced to TBRI and this book. Karyn and David are compassionate, thoughtful, patient and have research that backs up this method. We have been using TBRI for several months and it is doing wonders for both my husband and myself, and our boys. If you have children from hard places, trauma, or even if you're looking for a new, connected way to parent your children that do not come from trauma, I highly recommend this book. I plan on reading it again and again.

This gave step by step instructions for situations that are pretty severe. Like what to do and say after you find your child throwing wooden blocks at another child on purpose. When I follow the guidelines described here and it doesn't work, I still feel like I knew what to do. Some situations will still leave your child melting down on the floor, but now I have five good things to try first and you can start over again when your child can hear you. You can't always control the child. You can only control what you do, so if you stay calm and following a series of steps then you have succeeded. You can't judge yourself by results alone. I have learned that the hard way. To feel good about myself I needed to feel like I was successfully applying the behavioral advice found in this book. Good luck!

This book could possibly be a game changer for your family, even if you've never adopted! You and your bio children with definitely benefit from these "methods" And really, they're not "methods" so much as a change of mind and attitude, with plenty of practical how-to advice. The book itself is written in a way, that you feel like you're sharing a conversation with a trusted, wise friend. It's easy to read, and you'll probably want to re-read, take notes, and highlight for reference. Even if you find yourself at the end of your rope, short fuse, already tried every other parenting style, this is for you, and this can bring peace and calm to your home, your heart, and your parenting style, which quickly in turn will bring more peace with your child, and all relationships. Yes, it's that good

This book is a fantastic resource for adoptive and foster parents. Many children that come into foster care have dysregulated emotions and negative behaviors (those behaviors helped them survive their bad environment). But this book offers hope, advice, and tools to help you connect with that child and appropriately offer choices and consequences for inappropriate behavior. Ultimately the message sent to the child needs to be that we care about them as a person, and that their behavior is not O.K, but they are still lovable anyway. I think I'm going to read it again before my next placement.

My foster sons both have SPD and this book has been a miracle to us! We immediately started trying the principals of this book on them and got immediate positive results back. We have a ways to go still but this book has been a game changer for us. We recommend it to all parents as the strategies are useful to all kids not just the behaviorally challenging kiddos.

This is an excellent book with wisdom and proven help if you are parenting, teaching or otherwise in a place to help foster children or children with difficult behavior issues. The author can also be seen on You-tube. Highly recommend the book and learning from the author. The most basic concept is that if positive attachments didn’t happen when the children were young, the children haven’t learned that trust which they need and this results in difficult behavior etc, ; however the adults in their lives can go back to fill the gaps such as trust, and the children can move on from there to positive relationships and a well-adapted life. It’s called TBRI, Trust Based Relational Intervention.

My child's emotional issues and disability were tearing our relationship apart. The author of this book also does YouTube videos that will completely change your view on your life. She gives hope and practical skills making this book a mandatory read for anyone who is feeling hopeless and that their child will never get better. The easy to follow instructions are something that become part of your every day life. It has restored the relationship with my son and I now understand his pain so much better.

This book should be read by every person who interacts with another person---ie. EVERYONE! It gives you insights into why people might be acting in ways that defy reason and are unhealthy. It helps you understand why they might be difficult so you can work with them in a better way. If every teacher and law enforcement officer read this book, there would be so many fewer suspensions and officer-involved shootings. If politicians read it, there would be more funding for educating parents, the court systems and social workers. We would all understand why we do the things we do, too, and make changes to improve our own lives. America would be a better place. I'm writing a book about animal training. So many of these principles apply to even animals that Dr. Purvis is getting a whole chapter in my book.

Parenting kids from hard places can be challenging. The people who worked with Karyn Purvis found so many ideas to help (TBRI). The Connected Child is filled with examples and strategies. It’s a pretty quick read and is guaranteed to have something in it that will make your family’s life smoother and easier. I recommend it to foster and adoptive families as well as parents of biological children who are struggling.

Even if you don't have an adopted child, i highly recommend this book! Especially if you are a social worker, a caseworker in the foster agency, a teacher or anyone that works with parents and/or children. You will learn so much about children behaviors and how to respond to them effectively and better understand the child.

If you were raised in a dysfunctional family, the insights here can help you understand yourself and raise your own children better. Also very good information for helping children who have been harmed in different ways.

I don't often rave about parenting books because everybody has their own style of parenting and every kid is different. There is a reason there are thousands of parenting books on the market. However, this one stands alone! I only got this because it was required reading for our adoption agency, but I am SO glad it was. Though there are times when I wished the author had gone into greater detail (especially on the nutrition chapter), this book does a great job of providing parents with MANY tools that I feel every parent can benefit from. It is geared toward adopted/abused children, but I really felt like it pertained a lot about my biological children as well. This book can give you a sense of control especially with stubborn, strong-willed children. I speak from experience. I don't know which is more helpful, the tools offered by this book or the sense of having options. I don't think you can go wrong with this book!

This book is a must read for not only foster and adoptive families but also for educators, counselors, therapists, social workers, family members to name a few. This book provides fundamental information, the science behind it and practical ways to apply it! We have adopted children from hard places - severe physical abuse and neglect and time in the foster care system. Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross along with Wendy Sunshine shared critical, life saving information in a loving and hopeful way. Their dedication provides hope and healing for our children and for us as well. We are forever grateful!

If you are interested in TBRI, this is the book to help you understand the "why" behind this therapeutic intervention. Karyn Purvis originally wrote this book for the parents of adopted children, but these principles apply to any child who may have trauma in the background and have interrupted or broken attachment. Highly recommend for professional or parent.

Fabulous book: approachable writing style, provides practical tools, and leaves the reader with a lasting sense of compassion. I am a licensed foster parent hoping to adopt, and I will be reading this book over again! I highly recommend this book to anyone working with children and families - parents, teachers, daycare workers, counselors, family service providers. This has changed and informed my views on parenting philosophy, and I will probably ask my immediate family to read this book as well, so we can be on the same page (no pun intended) when it comes to how I hope they will treat and interact with my children.

If you parent a child with any trauma in their background, this book will save your sanity and help you to raise a happy, well adjusted child. I seriously can not recommend this strongly enough. Dr. Purvis was an absolute gift to the adoptive and trauma based community. Families and children have literally been saved by using the methods this book recommends.

This book is a must for anyone adopting a child from a situation where they are missing personal contact like an orphanage or have had trauma in there life. It will really open your eyes to what to expect from an adopted child and what to do to connect with the child.

Life changing book. Did a total 180 degree in helping raise my grandchild. All about working with traumatized kids. Outstanding, and easy to understand, read.

Absolute MUST READ for anyone considering adoption or foster care in any capacity. It was full of real-life examples and practical ways to approach a child not biologically born to you. Dr. Karyn Purvis was an outspoken leader in this field and has the right to be! You will not be disappointed in this book, which I would actually call "educational." I learned so many things about trauma, how it can affect children/parents before/after adoption/foster care.

I gave this book 5 stars because this was a very informative book. This would be perfect for anyone who has adopted a child or children and can't seem to get anywhere with your child to help them with their trauma. They have a lot of thijngs that you can do to help your child succeed

This book is so helpful. A rich resource for ALL parents. It's even better if you connect with the Empowered to Connect April simulcast and see videos and get tips/strategies to implement the concepts. Children do better when you are aware that their behavior (good or bad) reflects their needs, and often the adults around them need to be aware and help the child meet those needs if they need the child to make a change in their choices. This book helps adults process how to approach and interact with children while identifying their needs, addressing the fear or safety need, or the physical need (hunger, thirst, exhaustion) or the emotional need (broken, alone, scared, sad, mad, angry) and helping the child gain skill in appropriate reactions or behaviors. It takes a lot of processing and practice, but so worth it. There are also videos online that help make the concepts come alive.

Great book! Stain on some pages but won’t keep me from reading it. This book was recommended to me by my friend who works with kids transitioning from foster care into their adoptive forever family. She said this is the book she recommends to all her families. I by the way have no adoptive children, however my friend said this is a parenting gold mine for anyone how has a child that struggles. So I’m reading it with the hopes of implementing this book into our home. So far it’s very practical and has hands on methods.... it’s for real life..... not a bunch of theory stuff.

I feel like this book provided the "how to" for the examples given to us in our foster to adopt classes. I highly recommend this book. I asked my mom to read it because it will help her understand the parenting style necessary for children who come from trauma.

Whether you plan to host, foster, or adopt a child from a hard place, or if you have friends or family who are doing so, this book is invaluable. The strategies taught here will help you help a child, and will help you understand what foster/adoptive families are dealing with. It's the gold standard and I highly recommend it for EVERYONE.

Fantastic book. It has offered me a wealth of knowledge (and parenting ideas) for future adoption and even for dealing with my own kiddos and their "normal" but very real struggles. I highly recommend! #alwaysgrowing #emotionsareok

There is not a better book out there for adoptive parents. Dr. Purvis has presented the background, and techniques to really bring healing to a wounded child's brain. First, she gives the science behind why their brain is in need of healing. Then, she goes onto share ways to facilitate that healing. This book is good to read before adopting, and then again at 6 months home, and then again, and again. Then again with a group of adoptive parents. It's perfect blend of giving an accurate and realistic description of what wounded children are dealing with, while offering HOPE for healing and improvement that is based in scientific fact and years of experience. While this book is certainly the central piece for adoptive parents, I also love the free study guide that goes along with this ("Created to Connect") and also her videos. The videos are so helpful because you can actually watch her implement these techniques and see the change in the children she works with. It's amazing.

I pick up this book first and can't put it down or stop the tears it teaches you so much like wow I dont know anything but when I'm down reading everything I can get my hands on I will be confident on this Journey I also just ordered 8 more Books.. Thank you Adoption HERE I COME!!

I wish I would have read this book 7 years ago when our youngest daughter, then 2 years old, came into our lives. She has attachment issues, which we didn't realize until about a year ago. We just thought she was a difficult child. We were raising her as we raised our bio children and it wasn't working. This book gives a lot of practical advice and shows you how to love a child with insecure attachments. I also like Heather T. Forbes' books. She emphasizes love not fear. That opened up a whole new parenting paradigm for us. And "Relational Parenting" by Ross Cambell. Along with these books, you will also want to examine your own life and childhood issues, because children who have attachment disorder are really good at triggering unresolved issues in the parents to get their reactions. It can be a vicious cycle if you don't get help.

This book is a must for adoption of children, especially if older than a few months. Lots of helpful ideas even with your birth kids for handling situations when they are upset about something or not listening.

We are in the home study process and this is assigned reading but honestly, it is so good. I have a bio child and am learning some great techniques for her as well. I think any parent could benefit from reading this.

As a mental health counselor this book has been invaluable & has provided me with so much insight. I've learned about best practices related to working with children who have experienced immense trauma/ experienced foster care.

I recommend this book for ANY parent. This book focuses on specific needs of children in adoption scenarios but there are so SO many tips that will help all parents better understand their children and ways to effectively connect with them in their critical formative years. I have gifted this to many bio parents who are struggling with a child and can't figure out what to do.

I was told about this book and it was recommended for me. I'm not finished with it yet but so far this is a very good book and very informational. I'll redo my review if I feel like needs to change and get back with you on an updated when finished as well but heard nothing good so I think 5 star will still stand and I can move on and purchase other books as well

This was a text book for a graduate level class for my marriage and family therapy degree. I usually hate doing assigned reading, but this became my favorite book! I recommend this book to any parent, caregiver, teacher, or mental health practicioner I meet. Read it.

This book has been an amazing tool for me as a foster parent. It provides examples of different types of behaviors, possible reasons why the child is having that behavior, and then strategies to help. I originally had this in an electronic format, but referenced it so much, that I bought the hard copy. I recommend this book to anyone contemplating becoming a foster parent.

This is now our family go to. We have a child that has been through some tough circumstances before we were able to step in. He struggles with many things and even though the book is geared towards foster children and adoption, it is also spot on with the same issues we deal with daily. It has greatly improved our relationships.

I bought this book to help with my great nephew who has some abuse issues.Not only did it help me understand his emotions it helped how we help him deal with those emotions.I believe this is a wonderful education in also dealing with grown ups that came from abusive homes in their own childhood.

This is THE MOST helpful book I’ve found for practical advice on raising children who have experienced relational trauma. HIGHLY recommend! It’s never put away as I always want easy access for reference.

With every traumatized child who comes into your home, they come in with different behavioral issues. It is so important to figure out what works for each child, and to help build trust with them in the way that you communicate and work with them. The techniques in this book are easy to understand and easy to apply and I cannot believe how quickly it changed the interaction with my newest child.

I have read a LOT of books about adoption. This was the only one that changed my life and the way I relate to my kids. The first time I read it, it was too hard for me to read and I had to put it down (I felt too much guilt, because I was doing everything wrong and had already made so many mistakes). When I was finally able to give myself some grace, I tried it again- and now I read it over and over again, sometimes daily if I need it. It's so practical, which is unlike most adoption books I've read. It tells you exactly what to do in disciplinary or tense situations. I feel empowered after reading it, and feel a flood of sympathy for my firstborn, who was adopted from South Korea at nine months. I can't rave about this book enough.

Dealing with at risk child is a challenge but the process in this book helps raise children in a healthy environment. Wicked I had read this with my child.

Highly recommend! This book was a game changer in our home. The techniques in this book have helped us connect with all of the kiddos in our home on a deeper more therapeutic level.

I've watched lots of online TBRI videos while waiting for my book to come as well as several podcast from people who have been trained through TBRI. So happy to finally have the book. I wish TBRI was part of mandatory Foster Parent Training during Home Study process!

I teach 3-6 year olds Montessori class and this book has changed the way I teach. While it’s meant for children from hard places, (and probably parents too,) I picked it up in the hopes of helping my classroom. One month after following the advice in this book, my class was so peaceful and awesome even my coworkers and parents were asking about it.

Buy this and read it, then read it again. Then give it to your family. This will change you and your family made through adoption. It is often considered the "bible" for adoptive families. I've read it through several times.

Informative and helpful in our struggle finding normalicy with the adopted children, Karen Purvis's book is our go to source for concrete ideas to help balance our family life. I was somewhat frustrated on occasion with the way the book was organized, however.

This book was assigned to us as part of a foster to adopt program, but then I bought a copy for my brother whose son has ADHD and sensory processing disorder because there is a LOT of great tools for managing and loving children who are difficult (as if any child is easy ;))

What a wonderful book! My husband and I are waiting for our first foster placement and this has been so helpful to know what kind of long term effects children have from abused/neglected pasts. A MUST READ for all foster families!

This book inspires you to be truly connected with your child, adopted or not. It is instructional but easy to read.

This book gave very useful and do-able techniques on handeling a large variety of behavioral challenges by understanding the underlying causes and intentions of the behaviors. Addressing the underlying causes of behavior results in long term improvement and stress reduction for you and your children.

This book gives excellent insight into some of the difficult relationship issues that can arise in the adopted child. In each case, clear examples of alternate communication are explained. I feel sure I will be reading this book several times!

This is a must read book for any parent who is adopting or is having trouble bonding with their child. The chapters are short and sweet and to the point and it has easy to find answers to common issues/topics.

Some of this book was great. Some of it was ‘if you love your child enough...’. If you’ve adopted/fostered/etc then you know what I mean. Sometimes it takes more than love and patience and caregivers need concrete help. Still a good one to add to the collection.

I would recommend this book to anyone that has a child that has been through any kind of trauma, especially foster care or adoption. Being an adoptive parent, this book changed our life for the better. We were struggling with parenting our little blessings and this book opened our eyes to why some of the behaviors happen in kids from hard places and how to deal with them effectively. I have read and reread this book and refer to it often.

For any parents of foster or adopted children, or any child with trauma for that matter. It should be required reading for all foster and adoptive parents. This will really help parents understand what is going on with their child's brain and subsequent behaviors. Please buy this if you are parenting a child with trauma or attachment issues or know someone who is.

This was assigned reading for our adoption and although it has some great concepts, hopefully hopeful parents will realize this isn’t a rule book. It’s a tool to help you come up with your plans and style for parenting a traumatized child. Once you realize that, you’ll get a lot more out of this book.

The go-to book for practical information about parenting a traumatized child, whether a biological, foster, or adoptive son or daughter.

If you have a child who has come from a background of any kind of trauma (hospitalization/medical, birth trauma, family issues, adoption, foster care, etc...) this book will truly help you understand better why your child acts out and what you can do to help your child begin to learn how to deal with those behaviors.

Good book, does well to inform on how to help a child heal after being adopted

Adoptive parents of national or international children and parents of children at risk, will greatly benefit from reading this book. One of the challenges that faces adoptive parents are the "buttons" a child at risk will push in the life of the parent - triggers from their own childhood experiences. I would recommend this book to all parents but specifically to those caring for adopted or foster children. The methods suggested by the author make perfect sense to anyone who loves children.

If you have adopted a child or are planning to adopt, this book will help you understand more clearly what to expect and will prepare to better react when time comes. It also has good parenting ideas and thoughts if you have biological kids. It is a book filled with deep understanding that will allow you to react with compassion and knowledge which will in turn, help you and your adopted child thrive. Highly recommend it!

Great book. Easy to read and implement. I discovered, this book applies not only for traumatized children, but works wonders for any "strong willed child". The hardest part is to keep implementing it consistently.

Excellent book for understanding trauma. Our school district staff uses the principles with preschool and primary students. A must read if your child experienced trauma.

I haven't finished it yet, but I am happy with it so far. We have one adopted son and two foster sons. This really has enlightened me to the foster boys' behaviors. I wish more professionals read this or were on board with its info.

This book is perfect for professionals and foster-adoptive parents alike. Very informative

A must read for anyone who parents a child that has experienced early adversity of any sort -- trauma, hospitalization, foster care, institutionalization, and beyond.

We call this “our bible of foster parenting”. It should be required

Excellent book. Would highly recommend this book for parents of adopted children, foster children & even bio children. Make sure you "connect" with your child by the way you speak to them and value them. Could have used this book years ago to help parent an adopted child with a history of trauma.

This book is tops in wonderful and effective and a concise text that serves as the beginning to amazing and effective educational tool set and resources that can be explored through the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University. Evidence based and it really really works.

I'm only half way through the book and I just love it. Such a helpful resource for a parent of a foster or adopted child. Thank you!

This applies to every human. An excellent comprehensive work on building a secure attachment to your loved ones. It is well worth the read!

We are preparing to adopt, and this resource has been invaluable. The case examples are pretty tidy, so I suspect years of work get condensed into paragraphs, but it is helpful to read about different attachment scenarios and behavioral challenges with clear interventions that can impact bonding and behaviors. I have insight into how my approach effects the parent-child dynamic, and I've already started using some of the techniques with my bio child.

Knowledgeable and informative in regards to ones journey of fostering to adopt, as well as , parenting styles most beneficial/effective for the at risk child.

This book gives you the in depth knowledge on how the brain is developed and how it processes information. This book offers insightful information on how to heal the hurt child. This book is written for hope and healing for the adopted child but it would benefit any parent about to embark on the positive and negative effects we have as parents on our children.

Anyone adopting should read this book! My husband and I are adopting two older children and found Karyn Purvis a Godsend. If you have questions about adoption, my email is allibrooks2013@gmail.com We are always willing to share how God has worked through this and how we started this journey.

I am an Executive in a small mission which works in The Democratic Republic of the Congo. As part of our ministry we have an orphanage. Every child entering our orphanage apart from a political or health issue will end up in an adoptive home in the U. S. This book is so good in a practical sense explaining what the new parents may have to deal with that I am thinking of making this required reading for every prospective adoptive parents who want to adopt through our mission.

Highly recommend for foster parents and adoptive parents. I would also recommend this for every school teacher in America.

Valuable Resource, and glad I bought it.

This book was recommended to me when my partner and I became licensed foster parents, but I would highly recommend that all parents read this no matter how you become a family. Great parenting techniques!! Great insight into understanding children's behavior!

I wish every parent who adopts or fosters could read this book. It’s even great for parents in general.

I began reading this book shortly after our international adoption was finalized. For this reason, I honestly can't remember much to provide a thorough review, but I can say that this is a good read and will provide some insights into connecting with the newest member of your family.

Her work is terrific. Wish she was still here....

This is one of the best books I have read so far to help us with the challenges of our fostering to adopt. It’s also great for challenges with typical children.

I've raised three children and I still found the information in this book revealing, insightful, and practical. The Connected Child was recommended by our international adoption agency, but I think it is a tremendous resource for anyone who works with children including pastors, teachers, medical personnel, and social workers. I'm glad I purchased a copy instead of borrowing it. I'm sure I'll be referring back to it in the future.

Good book for future adoptive parents to read

A must if you deal with a RAD child. Extremely helpful. Raising a RAD child may be the hardest thing you will ever do, this book is helpful for sure.

We adopted our kiddo out of the foster system. This book has been such a blessing to my husband and me! I tell people this book should come with every foster and adopted child.

The book helps you understand motivating forces for children from hard places. The author also draws the line so the child is not taught how to manipulate the parent. The book was recommended to me by a counselor who works with over 20 adoption agencies and has many years experience. The book was great, it gave us the answers we needed.

Book was recommended by someone and it has some very practical advise and tips.

Really helpful book with specific examples of what we can do to help the child adjust to their new family and surroundings

If you have ever had a child from "hard places", you will enjoy the insight offered by Karyn Purvis and her colleagues. I had a child tortured by a babysitter while I was at work, and he became a child who was angry with the world. I wish I had this book when he was little and I was trying to figure out what to do with him. I am now fostering two children, one a toddler, and the other a teen who are from hard places. This book is priceless.

A great read for families in the process of adoption

Lots of helpful advice on being a great parent to a struggling child. Will read this book multiple times! A+

Highly recommend this book to anyone considering adoption or foster care. Don't forget to check out Karyn Purvis YouTube videos too. Her passing was a great loss to the foster and adoption community.

This book was very informative and provides parenting skills needed not just for adoptive parents but for any parent. I would definitely recommend.

No problems with this book.

This book was recommended by someone who my wife and I respect. We have not finished reading it but so far I've been very please with the book and can certainly recommend it for anyone who wants to help children transition in difficult family situations and backgrounds.

This book is a must-have for families who are adopting internationally. Highly recommend as a pregnancy and adoption counselor. Great resource for families!

I just began reading this Book and it has me so engaged that I can't put it down! It's VERY INFORMATIVE and can help ANY Parent to have or maintain a better relationship with their children especially when their at a very young age.This Book is definitely a Go-To-Guide for me as a Foster/Adopting Parent.

It's a very insightful book. I gained a different perspective on how to look at children with issues. It really does open up your eyes to how our brains develop and how much different kids think from adults. I would highly recommend this book for anyone that wants to adopt or gain a different perspective on how to nurture healthy children brain chemistry.

This book is a must read for anyone who has adopted or is considering adoption. I would also recommend this book for those who have a family member who is adopting in order to have a better understanding.

Although my family hasn't adopted yet, I read this book and found so much useful information for the children we do have. Our oldest daughter is pretty strong willed and this book gave me a lot of great tools to use with her. I don't know what the future holds with adoption and fostering, but I at least feel like I have some useful tools to get our family through tough times.

Excellent. I'm a counselor using it it in an Adoption Support Network group. They have found it very helpful and pertinent to their experience as adoptive and foster parents. It really touches on the perspective of the child, the way that trauma, neglect, or abuse affect the child, and ways to help the child achieve trust and calmness within the adoption or foster care relationship.

This is a great read for anyone who has a child in their life with a background of trauma.

This is a good 'starter' book for adoptive parents. It includes information about some of the key issues and struggles adoptive parents can anticipate, but it doesn't explore these in much depth. As a child psychologist who primarily works with foster and adopted children and their families, I often recommend this book, but parents usually find they have to turn to other sources for more comprehensive information. But if you're new to adoption, I recommend reading this book. If necessary, you can explore the other possibilities at a later date. Christopher Alexander, Ph.D. (Author, 'Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment of Foster and Adopted Children; A Guide for Parents and Practitioners,' 2009)

I bought and read a lot of materials in preparation for our international adoption, and wish I had paid foremost attention to this one. After being home for 3 years, our now 7 year old still is not fully attached, but we are now on a solid track with the help of Dr Purvis and her method. I just spent 2 days at a conference where she was the main presenter, and it was invaluable. If you have the opportunity to see her in person, travel whatever distance you need to, to make it happen. It will restore your home and family to joy and peace. In the meantime, take a deep breath, read the book, and as Dr Purvis says "remember that it is not you against your child; it is you and your child against what caused their hurt." Dr Purvis has a website at TCU which is [...] Another one is at the following, and it includes many helpful videos: [...]

I am working with a foster child and I am already using some of the information in this book. I have also seen good results with children I babysit with on a regular basis. I find it is helpful with all types of children. Having come from an abusive background myself, it has caused me to rethink some of my own responses to certain social events.

Learned about TRBI while working towards adopting a child. I have already started using it with my biological child and it’s helping already.

Excellent resource for parents/caregivers of children who are in therapy for attachment trauma. This is basically the parent's manual for the Trust Based Relational Intervention program developed at Texas Christian.

I kept hearing about this book, but to me it was pretty boring and I had a hard time relating to it

I've been reading lots of books about adoption and parenting adopted children, and so far this one is by far my favorite. It doesn't get bogged down in theory. Instead, it offers very practical advice about how to react to different behaviors and situations, including lots of examples. My husband is reading it now. We're so glad we found this book and highly recommend it to adoptive parents.

This book is so helpful. As a foster/adoptive mom it really helps me understand my child, myself, and how we can function better as a family. Everyone should read this book. Plus it counts for CE hours as well!

Highly recommend this book!

I would recommend this book to parents who foster or have adopted. It is also a good book for grandparents. It will help them better understand the difference between a biological child and an adopted child. Great suggestions for parents to do to help the child have an easier time attaching with them; along with so much more.

For our international adoption we have had to do all kinds of training and read all kinds of books. This BY FAR is the best one out there. It lets you know problems you might encounter, but give you strategies of how to handle them. Most of the other books I have read just tell you all the problems with no solutions. We have recommended this to all our adopting friends!!!

A must-read for adoptive and foster parents, along with parents of kids who have gone through trauma. Connected parenting is difficult but definitely worthwhile and a life-changing. This book will teach you how to love and support your child through their trauma and grief. It will also enable you to understand and change difficult behaviors.

We have a newly adopted preschooler in the family. This book has been a great assistance in understanding how to help the little guy feel comfortable and bonded in our family. Much of the information is applicable to bio families, too. Solid material. Easy to read and easy to choose the needed chapters for quick reference. We want to be able to support our adult children as well as be supportive and nurturing grandparents. Highly recommend.

I was appalled to discover that two examples of sexual assault the authors give are described in this way: Page 22: "Five-year-old Gloria is pretty, with wide brown eyes, a pouting mouth, and long dark hair." Page 65: "A pretty girl, who spent the first eleven of her twelve years in an orphanage..." By describing each of these girls as "pretty," this book is blatantly reinforcing the harmful stereotype that only attractive girls are the victims of assault. This made my stomach turn. At the very least it provides an "excuse" for the assault, while disregarding the experiences of ALL children who are victims of sexual abuse, boys and girls alike, not just the "pretty" ones. It's also not a stretch to attach this to the victim blaming mentality. There's nothing new in this book that you won't read in other, similar books, and I encourage you to seek one of those instead.

I enjoyed learning how to bond and provide support to my adopted child.

Excellent book and a quick read

Excellent resource for my counseling practice and adoptive families

This is an awesome book for anyone who is looking to start the adoption process or want help to understand an adopted child

We're in the process of pursuing adoption from foster care and I feel so much more equipped now. I think I have more realistic expectations and better options for how to handle things. So thankful we found this.

This has so much good info! I will definitely use this book many time threw my journy of parent hood !

The issues behind the behavioral and emotional challenges of at-risk adopted children are clearly explained as well as how parents can create an environment and establish procedures that will foster healing and promote attachment. While I always knew certain behaviors of my child (adopted at birth) could stem from the wounds of adoption, this book helped me understand exactly how those hurts can manifest themselves and how I as his parent can begin a journey of bringing out all his wonderful potential. Excellent! I wish I had known about this book years ago, but am hopeful about my child's and our family's future.

Very informative book. Opens your eyes.

This is a great book for a foster or adoptive parent to have to understand how to parent children with traumatic backgrounds.

Changed m y parenting life. I used the love and logic method before this and it was a easy transition. However, this allowed me to see my child through a new set of eyes.

If you are raising a foster child or an adopted child or a step-child or any child you didn't give birth to, this is a must read.

Great book for adoption of traumatized children. It helped so much I cannot describe in words.

wonderful book. we are planning on adopting and couldnt be more thrilled with all the tips and warnings in here. I feel by the time I am done, we will be completely ready to welcome our new child.

A must read for those considering foster or adoption. It's on the top of every suggested read list I've ever been given on the subject.

Very informational

Wonderful book! Very helpful!

Must need for adoptive/foster child. Gives you real insight on the struggles and how to get through it.

This book is a great read for ANY parent, but especially those that are parenting foster children. You won’t be sorry you read it!

This book was probably the best book about parenting adopted children that I have read. What impressed me most was the incredible compassion of the author. Some sections did not relate to us, but on other pages I felt like I was reading a book about our own family. Highly recommended for any family with adopted kids.

Brings to light many things you may not have thought about in viewing a child's behavior. Give insight into what might be causing them to act the way they are. It may not be what your thinking but has grown out of the child's past that you have no knowledge about. Give examples and alternatives to help you mold the child into better behavior.

Very informative.

Becoming a foster parent to eventually adopt. I have hear great things about this book. So far I’ve been intrigued.

Amazing book!

This is a great resource book for foster and adoptive parents. I have recommended this to many of my fellow adoptive parents. Really does a great job of covering the feelings of children that come from broken homes and explains the dynamics we must overcome. Highly recommend.

This book is has lots of great examples that are easy to understand. I would recommend this for parents with behavioral problems. It is easy to read and has lots of wonderful information.

Sage and practical advice for the parent struggling with behaviors from children who have had troubled early childhoods. I would have liked more specifics about teens, but overall each technique was well described and easy to follow.

The best author I have found on adoption issues, and I worked in the field for 5 years. Loving and effective. Is a great guide for any parent, whether or not their child is adopted. Check out her other books and videos.

If you are adopting, have a child with trauma, or even a typical child, this book will radically change your understanding of your child's brain & development.

I would give this 10,000 stars if I could. Every parent needs to read this, but as a foster mom I find it especially helpful! Dr Purvis is exceptional and insightful. This book will change your life and parenting habit for the better!

Good information, good book quality, fast shipping. Targets adoptive parents or foster parents, but good information for any parent or caregiver of children challenged related to past histories of traumas of any type.

Helpful book recommended by our counselor

It gave answers that people could understand

We have 4 adopted kids, and several people over the years have recommended this book. I recently got it and am a few chapters in. I can tell already that it is right on point--and will help me understand some of their behaviors and more patiently plan on how to handle them.

This is a great book that I use with the families I work with. Great foundation and concepts.

This book is a life saver. A must read for anybody working in childcare, or is an adoptive/ foster parent. Worth it's weight in GOLD!

Great points on how to connect

This is the best book of many many books that are out there on working with an adopted child. Heck EVERY parent should read this, no matter how the child entered the family. I have 4 kids, 2 bio and 2 adopted, wish I had read this before my first kiddo. Very practical, useful, loving information.

I guess I had too high of hopes as I started this book. Everyone in the adoption world raves about it. I found it good, but not great. I felt like many suggestions seemed great "in theory" but impractical in real life.

It's a must read for every foster and adoptive parent! I've benefited so much with my own son and tell everyone I know to read this.

Such a wonderful book! Purchased several copies to share with others!

As the mother of a child from an institution, I am constantly challenged to find new and better ways to connect as well as discipline. This book is wonderfully sensitive, and provides rationales for each intervention or parenting concept. I am pleased by my daughter's response to many of the methods I've used from this book!

Great book for learning an alternative parenting approach. Good for all parents, not just for those with adopted or foster kids.

This should be required reading for all foster and adoptive parents! Or just parents in general! Very practical and helpful advice for raising emotionally healthy and connected kids.

We bought this book, and had yet to really get into the meat of it. We have a now 18 month old son we were fortunate enough to have placed with us in May, and finalized in September. Through our church, we found out about a 9 week attachment parenting class to help with integration and family growth that we signed up for. Lo and behold much of this book is mandatory reading as part of the class. We are still working our way through it, but just the knowledge in chapter 3 makes this book worth the price, and has broadened our understanding and way of thinking on raising not only our new adoptee, but our two bio children that we have as well. Highly, Highly recommend this book. I look forward to delving into other parts of it as the class progresses, and finishing off whatever is not assigned when the class has completed.

This book was life changing for us when we adopted a teenager through foster care. It even changed our parenting of our 2 younger biological children.

Every parent of adopted kids needs to read this book!

Even if you are not an adoptive parent this book is a must read. We have a biological child in college, one in middle school, and a foster-adopt child in elementary school and Dr. Purvis' book and methods have been a godsend.

LOVE this book. HIGHLY recommend that all parents read this book, especially those who foster or care for children from hard places.

Working in the field of child welfare, this is an amazing resource for social work staff, but also for parents!

Can’t say enough great things about this book. Very trauma-informed and practical.

I really likely this book. Well written and usable format.

Worlds of wisdom in this book for ANYONE working with kids (even the grown-up kids).