Good Talk: How to Design Conversations that Matter

Frameworks in this book will help successful teams align on a vision, debug a problem, or create a creative and inclusive team culture.

Deep and delightfully simple…Organizations need more leaders who start with conversations. The Conversation Operating System offers a unique perspective - that conversations can be designed and that there are simple ways to make them work better. I highly recommend this book!

Excellent book! I highly recommend it!

We're always so focused on the success of our meetings, projects, and relationships. But the furthest we often go is to plan out our agenda and set clear expectations of what needs to happen. We neglect to think about who will be in the room with us, what their stories are, the space we'll gather, and the interactions that need to happen between everyone. I love that Daniel shares a career's worth of his experience, stories, inspiration, and tools for designing meaningful and actionable conversations - the core of what makes or breaks our meetings, projects, and relationships. Every chapter is filled with so many important ideas to integrate into my work. It's literally a guidebook to help you become a better conversationalist, facilitator, and leader.

I met Daniel when he facilitated a fantastic workshop around conversations and design thinking for an event I planned - it was by far the most enjoyed part of the conference. Daniel's continues to share his brilliance and energy with "Good Talk." The book that will guide us all to listen more and better and build more productive conversations. Something I will refer back to again and again.

When talking about gender, the conversation can be emotional and sometimes tricky to navigate. Daniel gets it. He's written a book that will give you the insight you need to design events and interactions that can help you build community in a purposeful way.

Daniel Stillman remains true to his purpose: this amazing book supports the reader with powerful questions and practical tasks to create the conditions for transformative conversations. We are all limited by what we don't talk about. Let's start now!

Insightful and written in a way that makes immediate sense. I’ve used it primarily to inform conversations that need to be avoided and move into purposeful participation and self inquiry.

If you've listened to Daniel Stillman's podcast, The Conversation Factory, you'll know he starts it with the phrase, "our lives are literally built one conversation at a time" and yet so often we talk at cross-purposes, misalign, accidentally offend or take offence, and generally fail to be aware of the power structures, turn taking (or not), cadence and triggers in our conversations, particularly in the workplace where we quite often use completely different language. It's a marvel anything gets done at all. Daniel Stillman's Good Talk provides a user's manual to that most everyday of things – conversations. First of all he describes the how and why of conversations and why they matter. Because they are so everyday, we tend to think we have them down. But we don't. Most of us are just muddling through and Daniel describes how we often end up in a default mode. Then he describes the structure of conversations – not in a linguistics sense, but in a social sense. In the second half of the book – chapters 3-5 - he reveals a way to map out that structure and become more aware, more mindful of it, especially if you are in the business of facilitating conversations in some way. Using the Conversation OS canvas will be hugely useful to anyone leading meetings and workshops, but also to anyone who needs to have a difficult conversation. In short, anyone who wants to think beyond the default and to design better conversations. And we're all conversation designers. Highly recommended for anyone in leadership, management, design, facilitation and in situations at both work and home where conversations need to shift from their default patterns and ruts into something more positive.

As someone who has built a career on 'Conversations', I was really excited about what Daniel Stillman had to share with GOOD TALK. I was not disappointed. The big takeaway for me was that all of us have a role to place when it comes to communication. I have to make sure I'm doing my part to empower the listener and make my thoughts and intentions clear. The other party need to be able to express themselves and get an understanding in the process. If we are doing more listening than responding we are not only going to be able to achieve more in the short-term, it will help us to stand out with others as good communicators. If you are looking for a book that is easy to digest and full of practical information that you can start using right away then Daniel Stillman delivers a win. GOOD TALK delivers on its premise.

This book has a series of great insights, tips and methods you can start using right now to build rich conversations with your partner, family and colleagues at work. Daniel provides practical solutions but also acknowledges injustices, biases and unbalances in our society which helps to understand the power dynamics that often isolates us in our own Operating Systems.

Good Talk is an investment in the practice of communication. The beauty of this book is that it challenges you to break out of your old communication "defaults" and helps to elevate conversations in every domain- the workplace to the most important conversations with those you love most.

Chock full of experiential wisdom and practical tools conveyed in practical language

This is a beautifully profound and wonderfully simple and humble book. Stillman lays out the secrets of meaningful conversations in a friendly and conversational tone. His models are elegant and useful, and you can capture the essence of the book on the back of a napkin (or two). Don’t be intimated by his Nine Elements of the Conversation Os. The book is chock full of both the process—and the poetry—of creating conversational space. Stillman initiates us into the ways of Wa (relational qualities), Ba (knowledge capacity), Tokoro (location; “Place is space.”), and Ma (negative space; room to wander). Are your conversations like cities or a gated community? Can you change the conversation by paying attention to cadence—going faster or slower—or slipping each other notes like junior high kids? Does your conversation call for crescendo or fortepiano? Which turn-taking choice is right for the conversation? Should you reframe? Reflect? (I’m just giving you a taste of the banquet spread out in these pages.) I’m an executive coach and facilitator and well-read in the space. I also train executive coaches and I’m recommending this book to my students. This slim volume is one of the most immediately useful guides I’ve read, full of wisdom without the fluff. Whether you’re a facilitator or family member, a coach, consultant, or CEO, you’ll find something to help you create more powerful and productive conversations.

GOOD TALK is much more than a Good Read. Dan Stillman has written an approachable, delightful, and practical guide to the richness of conversation. Arriving when human interaction is mediated by technology more than ever, his guide to designing for “conversations that matter” will help us navigate the nuanced territory of living in language. Good conversation is necessary for learning, building trust, and acting together, so GOOD TALK connects us to the fundamentals of being social. Rather than over-simplify theory, the author assembles core concepts into clear frameworks, parsing out features of conversations of all types, including f2f and those internal to our selves. HIs diagrams and clear prose will open spaces for participants to explore who they are and who they may wish to become, as we individually and collectively seek to convene better conversations for greater good.

There is nothing I relish more in life than one of those serendipitous “OMG, of course!” discoveries. Daniel Stillman’s book Good Talk was one of those for me. Conversations are all around us. We begin, continue, and end conversations all of our waking hours. But rarely do we think about them! I believe this is why most people, when asked what skill they would like to improve the most, choose communication. As I read the book the realization that we all design our conversations hit me powerfully. I never thought about designing my conversations, and like most people I’ve done it subconsciously. And too much of the time we get it wrong. Good Talk breaks down conversations in easy to understand stories that resonate with the reader. Daniel gives us the insights and tools to process conversations and improve our own designs. The writing is smooth and conversational (no pun intended) and I found myself easily losing track of time. This isn’t just informative, it’s a true user manual for conversations. Good Talk is going on a very short list of books that I buy for my teams as mandatory reading. I can’t count how many times I could have avoided awkward situations if I had only designed the conversation in a meaningful way! Do yourself a favor and get it.

This book is an excellent find: It has so many processes and perspectives that can be used to create and/or enhance the conversations of every day - at work, in play and at home. The stories, frameworks and illustrations honor and expand upon the emergent nature of conversations, and that conversations are important enough that we need to take the time to think about them, and coordinate & design them, very much like a conductor draws out beautiful music from the people in her orchestra. I especially appreciate the “You Are the Conversation” (Part 6) section, which lays out the importance of leadership conversations and how to approach them. To quote a passage in the book, “Leadership is the art of designing transformative conversations.” I could not have said it better. This book will certainly be kept close to my desk! I very much recommend this book for anyone whose life includes (or might include) conversations.

I've never considered conversations like this before. Daniel does an amazing job breaking down a topic into meaningful pieces. Talks about turn-taking, cadence, power, the interface of the conversation, and a lot of other parts I would have never previously considered. It's a game changer! If you want to have better conversations, give this book a read. Great for leaders, facilitators, or anyone who wants to have important conversations.

Everything you do in life that engages other people is a conversation. And luckily, that conversation can be deconstructed and designed with deliberate care and intent. In this book, Daniel adeptly and creatively walks you through all of the different ways that conversations show up in life—from meetings to discussions to workshops to projects to products—and shows you how to architect the best possible conversations so that you move you and everyone involved forward towards meeting your goals. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve how they show up in life and at work and needs a mix of theory and practical application to figure out how to make it all happen.

Daniel has done a fantastic job of demystifying the art of conversation. He breaks down the mechanics and shows us what's under the hood. Knowing the right way to respond is crucial to varying types of conversations, and Daniel's simple thought out process provides a foundational understanding of how to connect in any given situation.

Everything Daniel writes is outstanding including this original look into how we can design conversations to create meaningful change. You'll get a practical set of skills and tools to help you better connect with groups large and small while also increasing your conversational range. Especially now as we move through the new normal and beyond, its going to be more important than ever to seriously consider the ways we communicate, the conversations we hold, and how to better shape their outcomes. Good Talk does a excellent job of building a framework to finally have conversations that truly matter. This is a wonderful book for anyone interested in the hidden forces that shape our conversations and the way we connect as humans.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and felt like I could hear the author's unique voice throughout. That was key for me, because there are so many books out there about how to do X, Y, or Z. Yet, "Good Talk" presented a refreshing perspective for how to structure facilitated conversations for life and business. On top of that, I appreciated the interactive nature of the book, which provided question prompts along the way and allowed me to reflect at just the right time so that the content could sink in. Lastly, the sections/chapters got right to the point, which is what I like! Highly recommend this book if you're interested in walking away with a personalized framework for structuring conversations that drive intended results.

Daniel has really delivered a valuable resource that I recommend everyone out there read. Conversations are the true capital by which things get done and he has given us a new way to peer into these important human interactions. Much like when physicists first invented the microscope and we could see microbial life, Daniel has exposed the physics of conversation for us all to see and have CONVERSATIONS about.

Human conversation is a complex and nuanced subject. Daniel addresses that complexity by distilling it into a simple to understand structure which he calls the Conversation OS and he illustrates it with a very simple 3x3 grid. Understanding the conversation OS has allowed me to have better conversations with my staff, colleagues, wife and kids. It has helped me to be a better facilitator in workshops and meetings and I really do think that these skills should be taught to all students. I have posted a picture of the Conversation OS on the wall next to my monitor and literally use it every day.

Stillman's book is a must have for anyone interesting in improving what they can accomplish in their relationships and conversations with other people -- coaches, community organizers, managers as well as romantic partners, family members, and parents. It offers countless insights that enable readers to break down what is happening in their conversations into digestable pieces and allow them to understand underlying dynamics in their conversations in ways they never imagined. After one read, I believe I will go back to this book time and time again. It's constructed in a way that allows you to jump in wherever you believe you'll get the most benefit and refresh on a specific idea or problem with lots of bite-sized nuggets of wisdom. Definitely going on my easiest to reach shelf!!

Daniel Stillman's book couldn't be more timely. We are navigating complex, uncertain, and confusing times. If you are asking how do we approach fostering dialog that provokes anxiety, anger, shame and injustice, take some inspiration from this book. I have had the good fortune to watch Daniel Stillman master facilitator in action.

Of course, we are all involved in multiple conversations in each day. Daniel suggests that the quality of our conversations can have greater impact when we move from a default mode to a more intentional mode. He presents powerful frameworks to structure conversations. The book is punctuated with charming illustrations and questions to prompt application. I have been facilitating for 25 years and found new ways to think about designing leadership experiences. Highly recommended!

It's hard to think of an aspect of my life in which having better conversations isn't useful. At work certainly, but also with partners, friends, family, even with ourselves. This book has proved incredibly helpful in improving my skills. Stillman introduces the anatomy of a conversation and all of its nuances in a way that is approachable, even whimsical, but most importantly, incredibly useful. The human stories he tells make the book a delight to read. My favorite bit is how he opens: "Our lives are defined by the conversations we can or can't have."

Daniel is an absolute master of facilitating conversations and it shows in this book. It's full of practical advice he's acquired over the year--techniques you can apply right away. The format is also very accessible and easy to get through. The Conversation OS Canvas is particularly useful for determining which conversations are needed and what aspects of them are most important. There's no other book quite like this one out there.