Breaking Through Gridlock: The Power of Conversation in a Polarized World

This isn't a book to just sit and read - this is a book to read part of, reflect on, talk about, and then use as a guide to have conversations with other people. The motivation of the book - to get people to engage in meaningful conversations with others with whom we may not agree - is incredibly timely given the frequent "gridlock" we see in the news, comment boards, and our own family meals. I really appreciate Jason and Gabe's approach to helping guide us through a process of being more vulnerable, thoughtful, and introspective into our own approaches to conversations and how we can change how we talk with others to have more fulfilling and impactful conversations, and thus help us build stronger relationships. I have often personally found myself feeling nervous or unsure of engaging in potentially "heated" conversations - the approaches in "Breaking Through Gridlock" helped me feel more comfortable in starting - and staying in - these critical conversations. I've been lucky to have been able to work with Jason and Gabe through some of their earlier ideas that have built into this book. I've used these ideas, and an early draft of this book, in five undergraduate courses on environmental stewardship. The students appreciated the structure and thoughtful reflection prompts, as they considered engaging with people on topics they'd avoided, or fought over previously. For class, students wrote reflections of their process and many made comments about how the process outlined in this book helped them realize some of the biases they had when they approached conversations, and how the changes they made helped them learn more about people who they had conversations with. Students often spoke with loved ones - parents, siblings, grandparents - about political issues they disagreed on and this new approach helped them move past previous heated disagreements to a better shared understanding of each other. It made a few Thanksgiving tables much happier places to be! Students also often reflected on how these approaches helped them engage with friends and roommates about issues like recycling, composting, energy... the list goes on. If anyone is thinking about how they might integrate this book and these ideas into a learning curriculum, I'd be happy to chat more about my experience. I'm thrilled that this book is now available and hope that you're able to use it to help guide your own path to unpack the power of conversation.

The world is in the middle of its most challenging evolutionary history, and we are being challenged to think about how we speak with, and to each other. Global trading, travel and communications are at an all time high, with people mixing, meeting and confronting other cultures daily. Fear of different behaviors, faiths and cultural practices are driving conflicts at personal and national levels to levels not seen since, perhaps WWII. And the threat of a perpetual pandemic is pushing people further apart. Politically voters are seeking cover behind authoritarian leaders that are further exaggerating the risks and threats posed by people who look, behave and believe differently. Researchers Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant have done an exemplary job examining how we set our communications with others up for failure by not looking for win-win sustainable solutions, both on a one-to basis as well as in larger groups. Jason Jay has a doctorate from MIT and Gabriel Grant has a Masters Degree from Yale University. With a global population mass moving rapidly towards 10 billion people, with mega-cities with high density and an increasing migration pattern due to climate challenges and economics, perhaps adopting some of their strategies may 'Break Through The Gridlocks' between each of us and our near and far neighbors, in time to successfully reach a sustainable global social, environmental and economic global peaceful solution as suggested by John R. Ehrenfeld in 'Flourishing by Design.

Communicating with other people about everything from personal concerns to political issues can be overwhelming and leave us feeling hopeless or stuck, especially in the current social and political climate. No matter what your passions or political leaning may be, it can seem nearly impossible to build bridges and find ways to work together again. This may be talking to friends and family about encouraging healthy eating, recycling, or healing old wounds that have created tension in a relationship. It can also be about talking to your boss/co-workers, community members, religious leaders, or politicians about creating new programs to increase diversity, be more environmentally conscious, or even finding a way to encourage policy changes to benefit our society as a whole. So often we find ourselves yelling into echo chambers or arguing fruitlessly with people who have ideological differences instead of working together to make progress that we are all so desperate to achieve. How do we fix this? How can we come together when it feels like we're stuck fighting in quicksand, sinking deeper into the muck of division instead of pulling each other up? Breaking Through Gridlock is a brilliant, thoughtful, and well-researched book that gives us these tools for progress. The book not only teaches us communication techniques to build bridges, but also helps to teach readers how to address our own issues that we bring into these interactions that may create barriers to progress. The book includes helpful exercises, and encourages self-reflection and empathy for others. The techniques in the book have been successfully implemented in a wide variety of educational and business settings, and the authors provide additional supportive resources through their website. I highly recommend it!

Things I love about Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant’s book: They practice what they preach where they authentically share their own pitfalls on the path to generative conversations with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. They also accomplish something that is rare and incredibly useful: they help readers to bring about change in the outer world while bringing along the inner world. Bridging inner and outer change is indispensable, and they skillfully weave the two together. Last, but not least, they equip their book with a whole range of signposts on the path to authentic conversations—in the form of well thought-out exercises. As a result, this book is almost like a workshop, and readers have a very good chance to break through gridlock in practice. What I wished they had included (and I recognize that a book cannot do all things for all people): I would have loved to read a bit more about the caveats, for example: Would this approach to conversations also work when having a conversation in the “one-to-many”-format of classrooms or public speaking? Are there situations when this approach may reach its limits? And how do you troubleshoot – i.e., what can you do when you notice that a conversation goes awry, despite having done one’s homework? Food for thought and perhaps for another book… Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and I am grateful to have it as a resource in my own attempts to have conversations that matter.

This is the first book I have read that gives a straight forward, well organized and masterfully developed plan to break gridlock. Jay and Grant outline a clear map to navigate from being stuck in a conversation to using well designed steps to invite the other person back into a productive pursuit of a viable solution. To break gridlock, you’ll need to understand and use some special tools: Be authentic and oriented toward the future Recognize the hidden baggage you have brought to conversations Identify “bait” you bite on that get’s you in trouble Clarify what matters most to both sides and look for innovative approaches that are not just hard trade offs Jay and Grant aren’t selling “three easy steps.” There are exercises in their book that invite you to work hard and apply your best efforts and determination to find a solution that is best for your community. Their book’s approach applies to working through differences from the kitchen table to the halls of Congress and beyond.

The timing of Grant and Jay's book could not be better. At a time in the States when we so often seem to be drifting farther apart, this book offers a refreshing and reinvigorating island of hope for the paths back to some of the difficult and uncomfortable conversations that we will need to have in the days and years ahead. But more than that, Grant and Jay provide pragmatic exercises and counsel that will require some courage and discomfort, but that may well prove to be the work that we need to do so that we can focus on better futures for ourselves, our families and our communities. I was particularly drawn into the chapter called "Locate the bait," and it will be the first chapter that I re-read on my way to putting this excellent book to use in the relationships around me.

This book is tremendous. Just what we need for seriously rethinking conversations and relationships on order to push forward toward a better world. Jay and Grant provide a method that is transformational in its ability to provide a flexible scaffold for how we engage with one another in those situations where we're just "stuck." In particular, I find the part about thinking about authentic desired futures (as a means of getting over the "bait," that is the short term booby rewards we get from our old ways of being) compelling. In my own field of environmental science, we so often focus on what we can't do or what we should reduce, avoid, etc., in order to solve environmental problems or reach a “sustainable” future. However this isn’t a particularly compelling argument for changing policies or behaviors. Grant & Jay instead suggest that we should concentrate on the better, brighter desired future as a way of *beginning* the conversation with those. Often we then discover that this future means we have values in common with those around us. I ordered five copies, and plan to give them to friends and family and anyone else I meet who might benefit (so...everyone...will be hard not to break the bank by ordering dozens more copies!). I am a college professor (environmental science/studies and sustainability) and I also plan to give a copy to each of my seniors in my research lab as part of my graduating senior book stack. Essential reading material for every college graduate, every one who is in any type of relationship they'd like to make more meaningful, policy and decision makers - all of us.

Wow. I heard about this book and was anticipating it would be very good... AND it is great. Easy to read, yet deep and thoughtful. And organized in a great way for skimmers too. The chapter summaries are great. Jay and Gabriel advise the reader to do the exercises as you read -- rather than skipping -- so I started reading and skipping the exercises, but didn't get very far and went back and did the exercises. I suggest that you get fully engaged in the book. It is fun and, well, I already said thoughtful. If pressed to state a favorite chapter, it would be Widen the Circle as it fits most with my work in diversity and inclusion. But it really fits with everyone's work... and I love the emphasis on sustainability. I also appreciate the section on "the power of apology." The book is so timely right now for many reasons. I am going to use this book as one of my gift books for colleagues.

This book is a must-read for anyone with goals large enough to need a coalition of unlikely partners to succeed. It's core is a series of exercises designed to help leaders get over their own personal stumbling blocks and open themselves up to the values and intelligence of other people, especially people with opposing viewpoints. Breaking Through Gridlock helps leaders pivot in their minds from coercion to cooperation, and it opens up much broader possibilities for the messy process of engaging with people who disagree. You will get out of this book what you put into it. If you open yourself to doing the exercises seriously, it will leave its mark in the way you engage other people. Ultimately, it will leave a mark in your relationship with yourself, too. Rev. John Harrison St. Louis, MO

This book is a powerful how-to guide on moving from rumination and worry to inspired action. Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant's light-hearted approach helped me loosen up and stop taking myself so seriously in conversations I was avoiding. By engaging in each of the thoughtful exercises (please do not skip the exercises!), I was able to get honest with myself about my true motivations when attempting to influence others. I realized, yes, it is possible to get out of my comfort zone, drop the conversational ammo, and engage with an open heart and open mind. It is from this place that "a ha" moments happen and previously fractured relationships deepen. Let this book be your toolkit for transcending ideological differences, one conversation at a time.

This isn't a book to just sit and read - this is a book to read part of, reflect on, talk about, and then use as a guide to have conversations with other people. The motivation of the book - to get people to engage in meaningful conversations with others with whom we may not agree - is incredibly timely given the frequent "gridlock" we see in the news, comment boards, and our own family meals. I really appreciate Jason and Gabe's approach to helping guide us through a process of being more vulnerable, thoughtful, and introspective into our own approaches to conversations and how we can change how we talk with others to have more fulfilling and impactful conversations, and thus help us build stronger relationships. I have often personally found myself feeling nervous or unsure of engaging in potentially "heated" conversations - the approaches in "Breaking Through Gridlock" helped me feel more comfortable in starting - and staying in - these critical conversations. I've been lucky to have been able to work with Jason and Gabe through some of their earlier ideas that have built into this book. I've used these ideas, and an early draft of this book, in five undergraduate courses on environmental stewardship. The students appreciated the structure and thoughtful reflection prompts, as they considered engaging with people on topics they'd avoided, or fought over previously. For class, students wrote reflections of their process and many made comments about how the process outlined in this book helped them realize some of the biases they had when they approached conversations, and how the changes they made helped them learn more about people who they had conversations with. Students often spoke with loved ones - parents, siblings, grandparents - about political issues they disagreed on and this new approach helped them move past previous heated disagreements to a better shared understanding of each other. It made a few Thanksgiving tables much happier places to be! Students also often reflected on how these approaches helped them engage with friends and roommates about issues like recycling, composting, energy... the list goes on. If anyone is thinking about how they might integrate this book and these ideas into a learning curriculum, I'd be happy to chat more about my experience. I'm thrilled that this book is now available and hope that you're able to use it to help guide your own path to unpack the power of conversation.

The world is in the middle of its most challenging evolutionary history, and we are being challenged to think about how we speak with, and to each other. Global trading, travel and communications are at an all time high, with people mixing, meeting and confronting other cultures daily. Fear of different behaviors, faiths and cultural practices are driving conflicts at personal and national levels to levels not seen since, perhaps WWII. And the threat of a perpetual pandemic is pushing people further apart. Politically voters are seeking cover behind authoritarian leaders that are further exaggerating the risks and threats posed by people who look, behave and believe differently. Researchers Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant have done an exemplary job examining how we set our communications with others up for failure by not looking for win-win sustainable solutions, both on a one-to basis as well as in larger groups. Jason Jay has a doctorate from MIT and Gabriel Grant has a Masters Degree from Yale University. With a global population mass moving rapidly towards 10 billion people, with mega-cities with high density and an increasing migration pattern due to climate challenges and economics, perhaps adopting some of their strategies may 'Break Through The Gridlocks' between each of us and our near and far neighbors, in time to successfully reach a sustainable global social, environmental and economic global peaceful solution as suggested by John R. Ehrenfeld in 'Flourishing by Design.

Communicating with other people about everything from personal concerns to political issues can be overwhelming and leave us feeling hopeless or stuck, especially in the current social and political climate. No matter what your passions or political leaning may be, it can seem nearly impossible to build bridges and find ways to work together again. This may be talking to friends and family about encouraging healthy eating, recycling, or healing old wounds that have created tension in a relationship. It can also be about talking to your boss/co-workers, community members, religious leaders, or politicians about creating new programs to increase diversity, be more environmentally conscious, or even finding a way to encourage policy changes to benefit our society as a whole. So often we find ourselves yelling into echo chambers or arguing fruitlessly with people who have ideological differences instead of working together to make progress that we are all so desperate to achieve. How do we fix this? How can we come together when it feels like we're stuck fighting in quicksand, sinking deeper into the muck of division instead of pulling each other up? Breaking Through Gridlock is a brilliant, thoughtful, and well-researched book that gives us these tools for progress. The book not only teaches us communication techniques to build bridges, but also helps to teach readers how to address our own issues that we bring into these interactions that may create barriers to progress. The book includes helpful exercises, and encourages self-reflection and empathy for others. The techniques in the book have been successfully implemented in a wide variety of educational and business settings, and the authors provide additional supportive resources through their website. I highly recommend it!

Things I love about Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant’s book: They practice what they preach where they authentically share their own pitfalls on the path to generative conversations with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. They also accomplish something that is rare and incredibly useful: they help readers to bring about change in the outer world while bringing along the inner world. Bridging inner and outer change is indispensable, and they skillfully weave the two together. Last, but not least, they equip their book with a whole range of signposts on the path to authentic conversations—in the form of well thought-out exercises. As a result, this book is almost like a workshop, and readers have a very good chance to break through gridlock in practice. What I wished they had included (and I recognize that a book cannot do all things for all people): I would have loved to read a bit more about the caveats, for example: Would this approach to conversations also work when having a conversation in the “one-to-many”-format of classrooms or public speaking? Are there situations when this approach may reach its limits? And how do you troubleshoot – i.e., what can you do when you notice that a conversation goes awry, despite having done one’s homework? Food for thought and perhaps for another book… Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and I am grateful to have it as a resource in my own attempts to have conversations that matter.

This is the first book I have read that gives a straight forward, well organized and masterfully developed plan to break gridlock. Jay and Grant outline a clear map to navigate from being stuck in a conversation to using well designed steps to invite the other person back into a productive pursuit of a viable solution. To break gridlock, you’ll need to understand and use some special tools: Be authentic and oriented toward the future Recognize the hidden baggage you have brought to conversations Identify “bait” you bite on that get’s you in trouble Clarify what matters most to both sides and look for innovative approaches that are not just hard trade offs Jay and Grant aren’t selling “three easy steps.” There are exercises in their book that invite you to work hard and apply your best efforts and determination to find a solution that is best for your community. Their book’s approach applies to working through differences from the kitchen table to the halls of Congress and beyond.

The timing of Grant and Jay's book could not be better. At a time in the States when we so often seem to be drifting farther apart, this book offers a refreshing and reinvigorating island of hope for the paths back to some of the difficult and uncomfortable conversations that we will need to have in the days and years ahead. But more than that, Grant and Jay provide pragmatic exercises and counsel that will require some courage and discomfort, but that may well prove to be the work that we need to do so that we can focus on better futures for ourselves, our families and our communities. I was particularly drawn into the chapter called "Locate the bait," and it will be the first chapter that I re-read on my way to putting this excellent book to use in the relationships around me.

This book is tremendous. Just what we need for seriously rethinking conversations and relationships on order to push forward toward a better world. Jay and Grant provide a method that is transformational in its ability to provide a flexible scaffold for how we engage with one another in those situations where we're just "stuck." In particular, I find the part about thinking about authentic desired futures (as a means of getting over the "bait," that is the short term booby rewards we get from our old ways of being) compelling. In my own field of environmental science, we so often focus on what we can't do or what we should reduce, avoid, etc., in order to solve environmental problems or reach a “sustainable” future. However this isn’t a particularly compelling argument for changing policies or behaviors. Grant & Jay instead suggest that we should concentrate on the better, brighter desired future as a way of *beginning* the conversation with those. Often we then discover that this future means we have values in common with those around us. I ordered five copies, and plan to give them to friends and family and anyone else I meet who might benefit (so...everyone...will be hard not to break the bank by ordering dozens more copies!). I am a college professor (environmental science/studies and sustainability) and I also plan to give a copy to each of my seniors in my research lab as part of my graduating senior book stack. Essential reading material for every college graduate, every one who is in any type of relationship they'd like to make more meaningful, policy and decision makers - all of us.

Wow. I heard about this book and was anticipating it would be very good... AND it is great. Easy to read, yet deep and thoughtful. And organized in a great way for skimmers too. The chapter summaries are great. Jay and Gabriel advise the reader to do the exercises as you read -- rather than skipping -- so I started reading and skipping the exercises, but didn't get very far and went back and did the exercises. I suggest that you get fully engaged in the book. It is fun and, well, I already said thoughtful. If pressed to state a favorite chapter, it would be Widen the Circle as it fits most with my work in diversity and inclusion. But it really fits with everyone's work... and I love the emphasis on sustainability. I also appreciate the section on "the power of apology." The book is so timely right now for many reasons. I am going to use this book as one of my gift books for colleagues.

This book is a must-read for anyone with goals large enough to need a coalition of unlikely partners to succeed. It's core is a series of exercises designed to help leaders get over their own personal stumbling blocks and open themselves up to the values and intelligence of other people, especially people with opposing viewpoints. Breaking Through Gridlock helps leaders pivot in their minds from coercion to cooperation, and it opens up much broader possibilities for the messy process of engaging with people who disagree. You will get out of this book what you put into it. If you open yourself to doing the exercises seriously, it will leave its mark in the way you engage other people. Ultimately, it will leave a mark in your relationship with yourself, too. Rev. John Harrison St. Louis, MO

This book is a powerful how-to guide on moving from rumination and worry to inspired action. Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant's light-hearted approach helped me loosen up and stop taking myself so seriously in conversations I was avoiding. By engaging in each of the thoughtful exercises (please do not skip the exercises!), I was able to get honest with myself about my true motivations when attempting to influence others. I realized, yes, it is possible to get out of my comfort zone, drop the conversational ammo, and engage with an open heart and open mind. It is from this place that "a ha" moments happen and previously fractured relationships deepen. Let this book be your toolkit for transcending ideological differences, one conversation at a time.

I can highly recommend Breaking Through Gridlock! I first read this book for myself because I was distressed over the rancor in the political conversations I was witnessing and taking part in. What I learned from Jason and Gabriel helped me to be a better communicator in these specific types of conversations, but also in all interactions where different points of view are included. Because the book had been so helpful to me personally, I incorporated it into the curriculum for an experimental dialogue project that I was a part of. The concepts were extremely useful to this group and the exercises were perfect for this small group setting. Don't hesitate to read this book!

As much as we don't want to admit it, we need help having tough conversations in our lives now more than ever - from the seemingly minor interactions with your neighbor, Uber driver, or person in line at the grocery store; to the absolutely crucial discussions we have with our peers, colleagues, clients, friends and loved ones. Jay & Grant speak to you through these pages, holding your hand to walk you through the learning process in a welcoming, non-threatening way, motivating you to do it better next time. To see and hear it differently next time. To engage more meaningfully next time. The workshop-turned-book approach to their writing makes for an entertaining and captivating read, where you are constantly scanning past conversations while thinking of future opportunities. This will be a book I re-read in full, reference back to in part, and readily share with mentees, family and friends for years to come.

Breaking Through Gridlock offers accessible steps for those moments when we find ourselves talking with someone whose views and values differ from our own. Whether at work, at the dinner table, or in the community, these practical steps can help us to engage across the divide and learn from each other. Jay and Grant authentically share their own experiences, offering us encouragement for this difficult and important work.

Highly relevant and timely publication. I felt welcomed by the authors into a safe space to explore my own process. Remembering that to change others is really to first accept our own ill-at-ease and in so doing change ourselves is a poignant and essential message for our society. I will recommend this book to colleagues, my spiritual leaders, and my friends. Thank you!

This book has many useful techniques for how to generate productive forward moving conversations. It doesn't matter if it's those are difficult family talks or how to get others in the work place to listen to your ideas. If you choose to work through the exercises the personal insight you gain is invaluable.

Jason Jay's clear-headed approach to addressing the profound challenges of the day is precisely what's needed. I have seen Jason in action (at a Conference Board meeting I ran) and can attest that his solutions work. I believe more than ever that if extreme points of view could be shared in a collaborative setting following Jason's tips, we might have a fighting chance to create a more sustainable future.

This is a much-needed call to empathy in the “sustainability war” that seems to have been unleashed recently. Hopefully many, on all sides of the debate, will find both inspiration, and some very practical tools, to begin bridging the divide!

To be in conversation with Gabriel Grant is to be invited into growth and an expansion of perspective. This invitation to transformation continues in Breaking Through Gridlock. As humans, we easily find ways to avoid difficult conversations, hide the worst of ourselves from ourselves while blaming and shaming others. With humility, gentle provocation, and exercises that take the reader from insight into action, Gabriel and Jason have a book for each and every one of us. Do not read unless you are willing to playfully break through your own gridlock!

If you do this exercises, this book could change your life. I originally found it difficult to complete the exercises without a friend to keep me accountable. So I recommend reading the book in a group of peers, family, or friends. It could transform your conversations and relationships. The book could be especially valuable for professors to use in their courses, as well as for any group that sets out to change hearts and minds.

The insights that Jason and Gabriel share have created a new sense of self awareness about my own gamesmanship and inauthenticity. This book generates a sense of urgency for entering into difficult conversations. I am encouraged and challenged by their commitment to relating with deep authenticity.

Reading this book emboldened me to continue trying to find common ground after a series of hurtful and fruitless arguments with family members. It's not hyperbole or media spin when its in your own family - our country is deeply polarized and divided in mindset on key issues and how to tackle them. I'd found myself shrinking away from any topic that might be loaded and eventually declining socializing at all. What a sad state of things. This book gave me practical and purposeful tools to re-enter those conversations and hopefully come away feeling connected, not attacked or aggressive.

Having powerful conversations is the most important skill you can learn. If you want to be a great leader, and feel authentic in your life, read this book

Breaking Through Gridlock is a powerful resource for taking on being in communication and causing what you are up to. Would recommend for individuals looking at their effectiveness or for teams that want to take ownership of how things have been going.

Powerful book for relationships! As a leader of a team and as a spouse, reading it helped me become a better communicator and, specifically, a better listener. The chapter on apologies was especially enlightening.

Tackles an important problem - and does so practically.

Powerful tools for young change agents, from sustainable farmers like me to folks working on energy, climate, and beyond. Take time to read this book and work through the exercises. You'll stretch and grow in tangible ways - and be equipped for conversations that move beyond the gridlock.

Breaking Through Gridlock provided not only a great toolkit for novel, methodical approaches to ‘unsticking’ conversations and relationship communications, but also critically the means to identify those stuck conversations in our lives. A good read for anyone who is committed to doing deep relationship work, living mindfully, being authentic in relationships and willing to consider new approaches to kaizen in the realm of communication. The chapter summaries are fantastic. The stories presented throughout (like Nick & Laura's) are resonant, accessible, and relatable. Wisdom nuggets peppered throughout include: "It takes courage to let go of the bait. The key is getting clear on what we really want and daring to share that with others." (from Chapter 5) loved exercise 19 and some of the other exercises, even those I didn't do, which helped flag opportunities to avoid those pitfalls or seek opportunities to elevate communications to a more productive level with some discipline and strategies for success.

Gabriel and Jason encourage us to reflect and share our inner values with others. After all, how can we expect someone to open up their hearts to us if we are not daring enough to open up ours? Breaking Through Gridlock pushes us to do a lot of inner reflection about our ideals and values, to embrace the tension that these might create with others, and to ultimately create positive change in the world (through our inner circles) via the art of meaningful conversations. While I anticipate utilizing a lot of the elements in this book, I was a bit triggered by the idea of embracing the power of an apology. Although I do agree that there is power in a well meaning apology; as someone who has had to constantly apologize for my ideas due to systematic oppression, I find that they are not always productive. Instead, I will thank my conversation partner for listening to my values and for sharing theirs. This Thank You will be result of acknowledging the level of vulnerability that we both put ourselves through in order to Break Through Gridlock.

The morning before I dove into “Breaking Through Gridlock,” I sat down with a cup of coffee and joined my mother watching talk news on MSNBC. With reporting on another White House scandal and continued gridlock on healthcare policy, we were reminded of how right we have been and how wrong so many others are. Still dissatisfied, I opened Facebook and was lured into an online vocabulary and grammar quiz posted by a close friend. Although my ego quite enjoyed being told I was “Shakespeare” and a “Language God,” I ruefully recalled a conversation with my mother the day before that “went off the rails,” so to speak. I’d come to Pennsylvania to support her recovery after knee surgery and share some quality time. Yet, there I was, raising my voice louder to get the facts straight, sending us into a downward spiral that amplified her pain and diminished our collective well-being. Whoops! Turns out, getting the facts straight and getting the words right aren’t enough to produce the results my heart desires. This is not news. Most of know better and even want better. I certainly do. But it takes practice and practical wisdom to override such habitual reactivity, self-protective egoism, and culturally reinforced echo chambers. How do we develop such practical wisdom and engage in powerful conversations with those we love and those we loathe to create the world our hearts desire? Turns out, finding a buddy and working through “Breaking Through Gridlock” is a phenomenal place to start. This book is not for the faint of heart. It is a field guide for courageous souls who aspire to be whole-hearted leaders of transformational change. It presents well-researched theories and helpful distinctions (such as between “static authenticity” based on alignment with a past, permanent self, and “dynamic authenticity” based on alignment with who we want to be and the future we want to create). More importantly, however, Jay and Grant have provided as series of 31 practical exercises that allow readers to translate such knowledge into action, empowering them to become the change their hearts desire. Recognizing the value of learning from experience and leading by example, Jay and Grant share inspiring (and humbling) stories from their own lives and from those of past workshop participants who’ve produced breakthrough results through the exercises. Recognizing that those of us willing to swing out and play a big game will make mistakes along the way, they also provide a fantastic road map for powerful apologies. As a whole, this book of practical wisdom helps readers cultivate the curiosity, compassion, courage and communication skills required for powerful conversations in a polarized world. Through such conversations, we can embrace the tension between poles and harness this energy source to reach across the table or the aisle to collaboratively create the world our hearts desire. I look forward to sharing it with my family, friends, colleagues and students.

As a seasonal leadership teacher to high-schoolers and manager of a global team working on tech, I couldn't feel more grateful for the work presented in this book. In world where we have excessive access to information and to an overwhelming array of opinions, the importance of better ways to express ourselves and engage in healthy, constructive and cohesive dialogue is clear. Breaking Though Gridlock has helped me find clarity, guidance, pragmatic tools and inspiration in bringing this wisdom to my day to day life. I initially read the book by myself and was fascinated by it, but I didn't really complete all the exercises. However, I later went through it again with my students and we shared some of the exercises with each other and it was an incredible experience. I highly recommend this book for individuals looking for better ways to engage in dialogue, how to better express yourself and to support others in that process.

Grant and Jay's book comes at an important time, when people seem to be arguing past each other all the time. We're in challenging times, with really big problems that require systemic thinking and collaboration -- but most problem-solving starts with individual conversations. Grant and Jay have researched, tested, and laid out a practical process and guidelines for conversations that seem to get stuck -- these could be with a friend, a colleague, or even a spouse. There's no easy answer to how you bridge divides, but I found the focus on what we each come to a conversation with to be really helpful. They ask what we get from being "right" (things like self-satisfaction), which may get in the way of more productive conversations. We need all the help we can get, and this book is a welcome addition to the world.

I think this book could start a revolution–one of understanding, compassion, courage and emergent creativity and intelligence in response to the world's biggest challenges. For me, Jay and Grant's approach was so potent because it short-circuited my tendency to look out side myself, both the sources of both problems and solutions. The combination of information from the field of research around leadership and change-making and a series of very accessible exercises that allow readers to investigate their own habits of thought and ways of being makes this a very powerful tool for anyone wanting to engage more fully with our evolving world. I'm grateful to the authors and look forward to sharing their work widely.

This book could not be more relevant for the moment in time we find ourselves in, as we face the challenge of learning to talk across the political divide that recent months have highlighted so dramatically. While that drove me to pick it up, I found it had insights I could bring not just to political activism but to the social and environmental issues I care most about. This book does more than provide a perspective. It invites you to practice and transform your thinking along the way. The combination of stories, reflections and exercises gave you a chance to reflect on your internal blocks around having hard conversations and play with new approaches in an applied way, such as: be authentic, take stock of what baggage you bring, inquire, own the polarization, and expand the landscape. I left feeling empowered and excited to take on the hard work of having intentional conversations to bridge divides and develop shared, novel paths forward. I heartily recommend reading and then re-reading this book. I look forward to having it as a resource I revisit over and over, when I get stuck or discouraged.

Reading this book has opened my mind to a level of awareness that I could not articulate before. The book invites the reader to take on this journey of facing difficult conversations with others and to stay engaged, rather than to just give up. It postulates that self-awareness and having empathy for the other person in the conversation is key to this process. Even though it is written simply, it gives powerful tools to engage with those who hold views different from ours.We are asked to reflect, to hold a higher vision of ourselves, to clarify our motivations, to have faith in our desire to connect, and the list goes on...The principles listed work at every level: personal relationships, professional and also when we need to work at a grassroots level. I know that I will refer often to my copy of this book, as I set out to engage those around me at this difficult time in our nation.

As a manager in one of the leading conservation organizations in the world and an integral coach that seeks to support social and environmental innovators to protect people and nature, this book is an invaluable resource. Jay and Grant leave one thing clear: there is a direct relationship between who you are, how you express that and what you want to create in the world. Stepping into difficult conversations with clarity of your highest aspirations and awareness over your way of being unravels a whole new world. The authors guide you and inspire you through this journey. A wonderful book that has helped me lean into the relationship I want with myself, others and the world, and has strengthened my ability to also support others.

This book gives me hope to begin again. My very small community was beyond polarized, it was deeply stuck. All I wanted to do was get groups to start talking to each other. But finally, I gave up because I had definitely reached the stage of frustration and burnout. Reading Jason and Gabriel's book, Breaking Through Gridlock, is providing practical insights and pathways to begin again with revived hope. I believe it will work.

This book helped me address a stressful situation I had been trying to deal with for years. The book gave me the tools, new perspective and confidence to finally have the conversation I had been afraid to have. Not only were the results of the conversation better than I had hoped, but since then I have been using the same approach outlined by the authors in other situations. I have saved myself so much stress as a result of having those "difficult conversations" early on (which end up not being so difficult) instead of putting them off. This is a hugely helpful and easy to read book.

I highly recommend this book due to its ability to increase self-awareness, mindfulness, compassion, and understanding at a time when it is needed most. Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant give tangible, feasible tools for having difficult conversations in a complex and polarized world. Jason Jay's in-person workshop is also 100% worth it if you can get him to come to your organization or company - he will reveal what is hidden deep inside in order to challenge our preconceptions, leading to more effective communication and enhanced collaboration on all sides.

This wonderful, warmhearted and clear-eyed book comes just in the nick of time for millions of Americans who looking to break through the bitter polarization that has gripped our politics, families, and everyday relationships. Jay and Grant guide their readers on a journey of insight and skill building that has the power to transform relationships and change the world. Some of my favorite part of this book include: the emphasis on "serious play;" the way the authors bring the text to life with their own personal stories; and the well-organized exercises that can be tackled individually, with a partner, or in larger groups. I recommend this book.

I typically avoid uncomfortable conversations - part upbringing, part preference. But as a result, I have been missing out! This book is really pragmatic and not dogmatic, giving you tips on what to do in a wide variety of circumstances. its quite thoughtful, and clearly written. In particular I liked the chapter on "embracing tension". I really recommend this book, enjoy!

Breaking through Gridlock invites its readers to choose courage over comfort when engaging in those difficult conversations with relatives, coworkers and leaders that we would most like to convince but for some reason, appear immovable. I believe that it is a timely book given the murky politics and rhetoric that seems to characterize our times. I think that the biggest strength of Breaking through Gridlock is that it provides detailed steps and tools that the average person can use to come to grips with and later move beyond our complex emotions and ideas (about ourselves and others) when we try to have difficult conversations, ultimately increasing the likelihood that we show up as more authentic people.

Jay and Grant have provided a useful manual for self-reflection and insight into how we show up in the world along with practical suggestions for approaching our communications from compassion, service, and open-heartedness. Expanding on the old, "Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?," Breaking Through Gridlock essentially challenges us: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be effective?" This is a particularly relevant urging and proposal for our current times.

An important, practical book that arrives at a critical time. This should be required reading for elected officials! Will help anyone looking to improve their communication skills, achieve results in organizations large and small, and be a better member of the human race.