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Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart Kindle Edition

by Stephen Levine (Author), Mirabai Starr (Foreword), Ondrea Levine (Introduction) Format: Kindle Edition
4.7 out of 5 stars 230 ratings

Wise, compassionate advice from one of the nation's most trusted grief counselors to help heal emotional wounds that prevent us from leading fulfilling lives.

Renowned grief counselor Stephen Levine tells us that long after an initial loss has passed and the period of grieving has ended an unattended sorrow lingers, accounting for a host of physical, emotional and spiritual maladies. It is not uncommon then for those with unresolved grief to lean toward addictions or dangerous behaviors or other forms of self-destruction. In Unattended Sorrow, Levine addresses the grief from fresh loss but also attends to the pain and troubles caused by the unresolved anguish, sadness and delayed stress than can accumulate over a lifetime. He notes that we may never entirely overcome sorrows but we can confront them with mercy and self-acceptance that smooths the path to healing the heart.

 “There is no one better to turn to in times of loss than Stephen Levine. This book is an invaluable tool for anyone recovering from any type of major loss. A must, must read.”—Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

“Stephen’s work is magic. His work with the grieving and dying is among the most skillful and compassionate that I am aware of.”—Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 

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  1. Print length
    158 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Monkfish Book Publishing
  4. Publication date
    February 26, 2019
  5. File size
    3.7 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
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  8. Enhanced typesetting
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper," says grief counselor Stephen Levine, whose work over the past 30 years has won acclaim from the likes of [[LINK]][Elisabeth Ku[umlaut]bler-Ross]. He claims that chronic grief can result just as easily from the death of a loved one as it can from everyday disappointments like "unfulfilled ambitions." Whatever the source of one's sense of loss, Levine argues that grief must be thoroughly worked through, or it can lead insidiously to addiction, clinical depression, and other physical complaints. Borrowing heavily from Buddhist teachings, Levine recommends mindfulness meditation as one of several paths to reaching relief through "self-mercy." Unfortunately, as earnest he may be, Levine has a tendency to meanders in his writing, even in chapters that average just five pages in length. He's right that Americans in particular are too-often taught to "swallow our grief," but (likely distraught) readers may have a hard time wading through his ponderings to reach the far-between bits of concrete advice. --Erica Jorgensen

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. According to Levine, "unattended sorrow," even years after a loss, casts a shadow over one's entire life, leading to fear, doubt, shame and, more concretely, eating disorders, troubled sleep and sexual dysfunction. These sorrows, he writes, involve not only death but "the ungrieved losses of love betrayed, of trusts broken, and of the repeated bruises left by unkindness" that, unheeded, "sink well below the level of our awareness." In this valuable addition to the literature on mourning and bereavement, Levine writes in a soothing voice informed by many of the principles of Buddhism, but also encompassing all the major spiritual traditions. Levine (A Gradual Awakening), who has done grief counseling with concentration camp survivors, Vietnam vets and many others, points out that a new loss may be intensified by earlier, unresolved griefs about the death or divorce of parents, the loss of a sibling or other psychological traumas. Levine identifies three stages on the path to easing the anguish of loss: softening the pain, cultivating mercy and making peace with the pain. He recommends a number of techniques, including a breathing exercise to loosen a stomach constricted by fear and denial and periods of silent time spent meditating or walking. All of his easy-to-follow suggestions involve extending kindness and forgiveness to the self, which, Levine says, will lead to the practice of dealing with others in the spirit of mercy and love. Although, as Levine acknowledges, the healing process is slow, opening the pain-filled heart can lead to the unfolding of a new life.
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07PBG1Z9Q
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Monkfish Book Publishing; 2nd edition (February 26, 2019)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 26, 2019
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 3.7 MB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 158 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 230 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Mirabai Starr

    Mirabai Starr

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    Mirabai Starr, MA, is an author, translator of the mystics, and a leading voice in the interspiritual movement, using fresh, lyrical language to help make timeless wisdom accessible to a contemporary circle of seekers.

    She has received critical acclaim for her revolutionary new translations of Dark Night of the Soul, by 16th-century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross; The Interior Castle and The Book of My Life, by St. Teresa of Avila; and The Showings of Julian of Norwich.

    Starr is author of the six-volume Sounds True series, Contemplations, Prayers, and Living Wisdom; a poetry collection, Mother of God Similar to Fire, in collaboration with iconographer, William Hart McNichols; God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, winner of the New Mexico/Arizona Book Award for Religion and one of the Best Books of 2012 by the website Spirituality & Practice & won the 2014 Nautilus Gold Award for Religion and Spirituality in the Western Traditions; Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss & Transformation, named one of the Best Books of 2015 by Spirituality & Practice; and Wild Mercy: Living the Fierce & Tender Wisdom of the Women Mystics, a longstanding Amazon bestseller, & named one of the best books of 2019 by S&P.

    Starr taught Philosophy and World Religions at the University of New Mexico-Taos for 20 years and now teaches and speaks internationally on contemplative practice and inter-spiritual dialog. A certified bereavement counselor, Mirabai helps mourners harness the transformational power of loss. Mirabai is on the 2020 Watkins List of the “100 Most Spiritually Influential Living People of the World.”

    Daughter of the counter-culture, Mirabai Starr was born in New York in 1961 to secular Jewish parents who challenged institutionalized religion and were active in the anti-war protest movement of the Vietnam era. In 1972, the family embarked on an extended road trip that led them to settle in the mountains of Taos, New Mexico. There, they embraced an alternative, "back-to-the-land" lifestyle, in a communal effort to live simply and sustainably, values that remain important to Starr to this day.

    As a teenager, Starr lived at the Lama Foundation, an intentional spiritual community in New Mexico that has honored the world's spiritual traditions since its inception in 1968. The foundation's focus has always rested on the mystical heart of each path, and Starr was trained from an early age to recognize and celebrate the interconnections between and among all faiths.

    She lives with her extended family in the mountains of northern New Mexico.

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  2. Ondrea Levine

    Ondrea Levine

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    LEVINETALKS.COM..TEACHINGS

    APOLOGY PAGE..SEND COMPASSION&FORGIVENESS TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS(FREE - A SERVICE TO OURSELVES)

    YOUTUBE.COM ( interview with stephen& ondrea about illness)

    REVISED EDITION autobiography of ONDREA LEVINE

    THE HEALING I TOOK BIRTH FOR:PRACTICING THE ART OF COMPASSION

    AS TOLD TO STEPHEN LEVINE

    ****************************************************************

    NEW MAY 1 2015

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    PO BOX 100-CDS OF MEDITATIONS& OLD TALKS-PLEASE EMAIL ONDREA BEFORE PAYING AS THEY ARE NO LONGER BEING COPIED AND ALL ARE ON DOWNLOADS--bolo@levinetalks.com

    CHAMISAL,NM 87521

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  3. Stephen Levine

    Stephen Levine

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
230 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book instrumental in deepening their healing journey, with one mentioning how it facilitates growth in coping skills. The book is well-written, beautiful, and compassionate, with one customer noting how it helps unpick tangled feelings. They appreciate its slow pace and consider it a valuable resource.

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20 customers mention "Healing power"20 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's healing power positive, with several noting it is instrumental in deepening their healing journey, and one mentioning how it facilitates growth in coping skills.

"...It is a lovely book, and it can be very, very helpful in working through those old patterns. I highly recommend it." Read more

"...This book has helped me heal from things, I never knew I needed healing from. Please don’t hesitate to allow yourself to be free from pain...." Read more

"...20 years of therapy, grief counseling, reading, yoga, and mindful practices combined. Of course it is all helpful in the healing journey...." Read more

"...to read "Unattended Sorrow", so only four stars because it makes good points but it is not an easy-to-read book!" Read more

12 customers mention "Readability"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable and beautiful, with one mentioning it was the right book at the right time.

"...It is a lovely book, and it can be very, very helpful in working through those old patterns. I highly recommend it." Read more

"...This book is such a beautiful read, and the application has been more helpful to me than 20 years of therapy, grief counseling, reading, yoga, and..." Read more

"This is a must read...." Read more

"This is an amazing book. Besides wisdom and advice, this book actually is therapeutic just in the act of reading it...." Read more

10 customers mention "Writing style"7 positive3 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book.

"...in pain, I really appreciated the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the materials are..." Read more

"This is a must read. A straight forward, kindly written book that I have found to begin the healing process with a successful outcome if you do the..." Read more

"...;, so only four stars because it makes good points but it is not an easy-to-read book!" Read more

"...The book is so gently, almost sonorously, written that the words themselves feel like they are helping to unpick my tangled feelings...." Read more

7 customers mention "Compassion"7 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the compassionate approach of the book, with one mentioning how it helps untangle complex emotions, while another reports feeling less fearful and depressed after reading it.

"...the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the materials are presented...." Read more

"...I’m more relaxed mentally and physically, feeling less fearful and depressed. This will be a regular read for me." Read more

"...you do the exercises explained and fully open yourself with honesty, kindness, and compassion." Read more

"...so that we can move on with greater resilience and deeper compassion for ourselves and others...." Read more

3 customers mention "Pace"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the slow pace of the book.

"...When I was in pain, I really appreciated the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the..." Read more

"...This book helped me move forward. I read it slowly, reflecting and absorbing. It truly helped me see a perspective that was useful...." Read more

"Great book. Came on time but not early." Read more

3 customers mention "Value for money"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book valuable, with one mentioning its great price.

"...So valuable and inspiring. Healing is at hand for all hurt and fear that results from a broken heart . Just read and study this book!" Read more

"...Found it quickly for a great price on Amazon. Received it quickly. Everybody's happy!" Read more

"Perfect Resource for those dealing with Grief & Loss..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Alice Saczawa
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Healing Journey: Gentle and Compassionate
    Reviewed in the United States on September 20, 2007
    Verified Purchase
    I read the review that said this book is repetitive, etc. . . . and I felt I needed to share my experiences with this book.

    Sorrow can run deep. Especially when a pattern of grief and sorrow is laid down when you are a child; it can persistently sap your energy, your joy.

    What is lovely about this book is that, recognizing the persistent nature of this malaise, it gently speaks to you of other alternatives. When I was in pain, I really appreciated the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the materials are presented. This book is more about helping you find your peace within your sorrow than about expressing tools and techniques; although the tools and techniques are there.

    It is a lovely book, and it can be very, very helpful in working through those old patterns. I highly recommend it.
    49 people found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars So helpful
    Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    I suffer from CPTSD, and carry everything inside. This book is such a beautiful read, and the application has been more helpful to me than 20 years of therapy, grief counseling, reading, yoga, and mindful practices combined. Of course it is all helpful in the healing journey. But this book really helped me understand how to lean into the pain. I’m more relaxed mentally and physically, feeling less fearful and depressed. This will be a regular read for me.
    20 people found this helpful
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  • Alejandro wirth
    5.0 out of 5 stars I never knew I needed this..
    Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    This book is life changing, it hurts, it’s hard, it’s real and it reveals what we may not be aware of what we need. This book has helped me heal from things, I never knew I needed healing from. Please don’t hesitate to allow yourself to be free from pain. Read this book for you and allow yourself to cry and grow. You deserve this.
    9 people found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    4.0 out of 5 stars Not a book for the reader who is faint of heart!
    Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2013
    Verified Purchase
    Levine has the experience in healing grief. However his message must be "decoded" from the astounding number of layers of obtuse metaphors that complicate rather than simplify his message.

    Read "Metaphors We Live By" By George Lakoff & Mark Johnson first to help comprehend this book.

    Levine's method parallels the "HeartMath" products. So, if you are in a hurry to feel better, read the" Heartmath Solution" method or read Richard Carlson's "You Can Be Happy No Matter What" instead..

    It takes a determined effort to read "Unattended Sorrow", so only four stars because it makes good points but it is not an easy-to-read book!
    5 people found this helpful
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  • MrGCool
    5.0 out of 5 stars This is an amazing book. Besides wisdom and advice
    Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2016
    Verified Purchase
    This is an amazing book. Besides wisdom and advice, this book actually is therapeutic just in the act of reading it. If you are going through a very tough time or loss in your life, read this book! Sometimes problems or situations cannot be fixed. Sometimes harsh blows are dealt quite unfairly and with no explanation or reason; we suffer a grave wound. This book is balm and wisdom to heal our wounds so that we can move on with greater resilience and deeper compassion for ourselves and others. Our strife can be the catalyst that facilitates growth in our coping skills and our overall understanding of life in general which of course leads to greater happiness and well being. Stephen Levine is brilliant and kind!
    17 people found this helpful
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  • Nicole Caldwell
    5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful
    Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    This is a must read. A straight forward, kindly written book that I have found to begin the healing process with a successful outcome if you do the exercises explained and fully open yourself with honesty, kindness, and compassion.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • radha
    5.0 out of 5 stars Grief and Compassion
    Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2010
    Verified Purchase
    My mother had a very hard death and it took me nearly 1 1/2 years to come to peace with her death. It was Stephen Levine's "Unattended Sorrow" that brought me peace.

    I worked through his exercises of compassion and forgiveness - not only for my mother but myself. It was very life-changing work for me. I savoured and worked through the book a few pages at a time. I sobbed myself to sleep many nights as I worked through my grief with Unattended Sorrow in hand.

    I thank Stephen Levine for such an insightful book. I buy this book for friends who have experienced loss. It is not necessarily a book for reading immediately following a loss, but definitely for me it was the right book at the right time after giving some space and time after the loss.
    16 people found this helpful
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  • elizabeth scott-janda
    5.0 out of 5 stars Working with this book to help get past lots of hardship
    Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    I am loving this book, and am using it to help get past my own unattended sorrow, which came to a breaking point in 2020 with the suicide of a beloved nephew and the loss of my marriage. The book is so gently, almost sonorously, written that the words themselves feel like they are helping to unpick my tangled feelings. It's very wise.
    18 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Starwalker
    5.0 out of 5 stars Just exquisite ...
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 21, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    This book, like all of Stephen Levine's work, is just a treasure-trove of nourishment for the soul. His compassionate understanding and articulation of the nuances of the grief process is unmatched by any other author I've read on the subject. if you have experienced loss and are in grief, his words offer an accompaniment, a companionship in that they mirror with such tender accuracy where you might find yourself to be. Highly recommended.
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  • Penny Maday
    5.0 out of 5 stars One of the Best Books I've Ever Read
    Reviewed in Canada on February 17, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I really cant put into words how much I adore this book. I borrowed it from the library and read it cover to cover, but found I had to re-read many parts again, so I bought the book for myself. It has helped me through the roughest part of my life, I'm in my early fifties and although there have been some very rough patches through out my life, the last three years were and always will be the worst, all you need to know is that this book helped carry me through it. I am grateful to the authors for their generosity of spirit, wisdom, caring and insights.
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent!
    Reviewed in Canada on July 5, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Outstanding, one of Stephen’s best books, highly recommended
    One person found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars touching and inspiring
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 24, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    good condition
    wonderful book
    Stephen Levine's sincerity is a true gift to the world. I have all his books. This one is so tenderly written, I savoured each page. Beautiful.
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  • bronwen
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best book on grief
    Reviewed in Canada on December 4, 2019
    Verified Purchase
    Beautifully written!
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