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The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships Kindle Edition

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 445 ratings

You Can Love God and Still Get a Divorce

And get this, God will still love you. Really.

Are you in a destructive marriage? One of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse? Infidelity? Neglect?

If yes, you know you need to escape, but you’re probably worried about going against God’s will. I have good news for you. You might need to divorce to save your life and sanity. And God is right beside you.

In The Life-Saving Divorce You’ll Learn:

- How to know if you should stay or if you should go.
- The four key Bible verses that support divorce for infidelity, neglect, and physical and/or emotional abuse.
- Twenty-seven myths about divorce that aren’t true for many Christians.
- Why a divorce is likely the absolute best thing for your children.
- How to deal with friends and family who disapprove of divorce.
- How to find safe friends and churches after a divorce.

If you need a Life-Saving Divorce, there is hope for you, your faith, and your kids!

“Gretchen is giving freedom for captives. She helped me think deeply about deeply held wrong ideas related to divorce!” —Pastor Neil Schori, pastor at The Edge Church, key witness in the Drew Peterson murder case

“When I think of Gretchen, I think of the words: Needed, truth-telling, hope. She filled in the data and research behind the things I knew by experience, both personally and from others I know. There is so much bad Christian advice that doesn’t acknowledge destructive marriage and abuse, this truth is so needed in the world.” — Jodi Pompa, Twitter

“Necessary, overdue, comforting. Gretchen helped me realize so many people are struggling with false guilt over this issue.” —Rachel Ramer

“Sympathetic, liberating, rational. She helped me not feel the pressure of having to sustain a marriage on my own and [helped me understand] that divorce is a valid option instead of continually being made to feel less than or staying with someone who doesn’t want to stay with you.” —Jeffrey Lewis

“Refreshing, eye- opening, life-changing. She helped me get rid of the guilt I felt for divorcing my abusive husband.” — Sarah Smith

“She’s an advocate, empowerer, and strong. She helps release shame for being a divorced Christian woman.” —Sandi Moore

“Gretchen is supportive, unapologetic, and confirming. She helped me understand I am not alone in my divorce walk. That the Christian community need not vilify already damaged spouses who have to seek divorce.” —Holli Lewis

Christian Leaders say...

"I have been in ministry for roughly 20 years as a pastor, church planter, missionary and mentor of church leaders. After reading this book I am both exceedingly grateful that it now exists and heartbroken that I did not have this resource the first 20 years of my ministry. When it comes to my response to people hurting in difficult marriages, I have committed countless errors and sat silently while other church leaders did the same. This book would have saved me from every one of them."—Cole Brown

“...this book is both empathic and well researched, employing the latest stats alongside clear advice. A must for anyone involved in pastoral work and a lifeline for those suffering within marriages.” —Rev. Dr. David Instone-Brewer, www.DivorceRemarriage.com

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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B09GVZ5CN6
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Life Saving Press LLC; 2nd edition (September 18, 2021)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 18, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 9069 KB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 445 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 1734374721
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 445 ratings

About the author

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Gretchen Baskerville
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Gretchen Baskerville is a divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.

Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own life-saving divorce and lived as a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried and writes about divorce recovery. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education, and she regularly gives interviews on podcasts, blogs, and radio programs on the topic of Christianity and divorce.

Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the 40% of divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.

For more information: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com. Follow her on Twitter http://twitter.com/GGBaskerville or Facebook http://www.facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
445 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book informative and helpful for understanding Biblical truths about abusive marriages. They describe it as an amazing, valuable resource that provides positive advice and hope. Readers praise the writing style as grace-filled, compassionate, and thoughtful. The chapter 4 provided eye-opening insights into other forms of abuse not labeled as such in the book.

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32 customers mention "Information quality"32 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides Biblical truths and helpful information for those in abusive marriages. It includes scriptural references and personal experiences. Readers say it helps them understand and process the damaging effects of abusive relationships. They also appreciate the positive advice and hope it offers. The book provides a better understanding of God's grace and mercy in certain situations.

"...'s "Why Does He Do That" last month, and I realized that while an informative and a phenomenal resource, I wished there had been one available that..." Read more

"It has lots of scriptural information and eye opening stories of personal experiences." Read more

"Well written the author is knowledgeable and shares a heartfelt and sincere story" Read more

"...It really backs it up biblically...." Read more

13 customers mention "Readability"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable and informative. They describe it as a valuable resource and refreshing to read a marriage/divorce book from an author without personal agenda.

"..." last month, and I realized that while an informative and a phenomenal resource, I wished there had been one available that was written with..." Read more

"...or “will my children be ok?” It’s refreshing to read a marriage/divorce book from an author who has no personal agenda, but just wants to..." Read more

"...This book reveals so much more & is worth reading and making an informed & prayerful decision." Read more

"Wonderful, validating book that gives biblical direction with scriptures and historical facts as to divorce and it’s place in abused Christian’s life..." Read more

4 customers mention "Writing style"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style. They find the book written with grace, hope, and good intentions. The author is knowledgeable and shares a heartfelt and sincere story. The research is thorough and thoughtful.

"...This is exactly that book. Every word of this book is written with grace, with hope, and with the good news of the Gospel...." Read more

"Well written the author is knowledgeable and shares a heartfelt and sincere story" Read more

"...The research is thorough and thoughtful! Thank you Gretchen Baskerville, well done!" Read more

"Well written and very helpful..." Read more

3 customers mention "Eye opening"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book eye-opening and encouraging. They say Chapter 4 reveals other forms of abuse that were not labeled as such in the book.

"...It's eye opening and every church and every christian should read this book. Do not stay in abusive relationships even if you church doesn't approve...." Read more

"...Truly an eye opening and encouraging work!" Read more

"...Chapter 4 was eye opening to other forms of abuse that weren’t labeled as such in my mind." Read more

Life-changing book for Christians to understand divorce
5 out of 5 stars
Life-changing book for Christians to understand divorce
I'm only through three chapters if this book and it has already exceeded it's worth. Many people told me I cannot divorce because God hates it. But do they know that God speaks about divorce five different times in the bible. And one time God even says that he's going to divorce his church because of their unfaithfulness!And yet time and time again people want to quickly rattle off a Bible scripture and disregard the whole rest of the Bible.Here's a excerpt from the book that really spoke volumes to me. To ask, "Is divorce good or bad?" Is like asking, "is pulling this fire alarm good or bad?" If there's a fire pull it! That's what it's there for.So this book is for anybody that's contemplating a divorce in the middle of a divorce or I would even say just went through a divorce. It really backs it up biblically.All pastors should read this book so they have a proper perception of divorce but unfortunately a lot would never because it's a woman writing about it. As a man as a child of God if God can use a donkey to speak to Balaam he can certainly use a fearfully and wonderfully made woman to speak to his church.Gretchen thank you so much for your work that's life saving.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2020
    I read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That" last month, and I realized that while an informative and a phenomenal resource, I wished there had been one available that was written with HOPE.

    This is exactly that book. Every word of this book is written with grace, with hope, and with the good news of the Gospel. Gretchen pours into her readers the knowledge of not only who Christ is, but who they are in Christ. She removes every stigma of shame; she removes every man made repression of self serving authority.

    We are all made in the image of God, and we are all worthy of love, and salvation. That point is non - negotiable, and Gretchen makes it very clear. However, as humans, we are also fallible. As such, we are not all good marriage material. You are not a failure if you are one of those humans, or if you married one. The only perfect human who will ever be is Jesus; He alone met the standard. There are some instances where a true miracle happens, and a life is transformed, and a marriage is completely restored. But, when they are not, Gretchen shows why we are not called to stay married to abusive people.

    The 40% - the life saving - divorces that she is expounding upon in this book are not ones that are celebrity material. They aren't the divorces where you "can't choose whom your heart falls in love with". They aren't the divorces that happen because you suddenly realize that when the kids are grown, you no longer have anything to talk about. A divorce because you didn't get the chance to experience being single, since you got married so young.

    These are the divorces that happen when you're terrified to sleep at night. Or vice versa, when you're praying that tonight, FINALLY, you'll be allowed to sleep. The divorces that happen because you have been beaten. Again. When you realize that you haven't talked to another person in YEARS. The divorces that happen because he destroyed the dining room furniture when he noticed that you bought the kids a candy bar to split when you were buying groceries.

    "God loves YOU."
    "You are NOT alone."

    These words seem as farfetched and as impossible as the possibility of getting a divorce. Yet, they are the entire message of the book. More than the right to get a divorce, more than providing facts and figures, more than telling you how - You are loved. You are enough. You are not alone.

    Gretchen also provides carefully researched statistics to show the affects of abuse on women/men and children, and how divorce will and will NOT affect them. She peels off the layers on all the myths that say children will be stunted and grow up to be drug addicted career criminals unless they live in two parent homes. The myths that say "THE BIBLE SAYS*." The ones that claim your pastor or your church can have authority over YOU staying with an abuser! (SPOILER ALERT: The ONLY person who can decide to divorce is you, because only you and God know what is going secretly in your marriage.)

    *Gretchen provides incredible detail about how marriage was viewed both in the Old and New Testament, and background to the question the Pharisees posed to Jesus. Also, God himself issued a certificate of divorce to Judah in Jeremiah 4:8

    If you are in an abusive relationship, if you have a loved one who is in one, or if you are struggling to discern the Biblical truths of divorce: read this book. It is wise. It is safe. It is gentle. It is not demeaning towards anyone. It is not condemning, and it is not high - handed.

    It is written in the truth of God's word. It is compassionate. You will feel loved and cherished. In the beginning, Gretchen tells you to imagine her wrapping her arms around you, telling you it's going to be okay. That feeling stays with you throughout the entire book. You will be okay. Your babies will be okay. You're going to make it. You are not alone. You are enough.

    For interwoven in every sentence, in every word, and I cannot stress this enough, is the fact that Gretchen is not the only one holding you. She simply adds her human arms to the arms of the One who holds the universe, yet has written your name on the palm of His hand. You are not forgotten. You can do this. You can make it. Hold on. Get that life - saving divorce.

    *I was given an advanced copy of this book for my honest review, and have since gone on to purchase my own copy.*
    55 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 31, 2024
    It has lots of scriptural information and eye opening stories of personal experiences.
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2024
    Well written the author is knowledgeable and shares a heartfelt and sincere story
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 7, 2023
    I'm only through three chapters if this book and it has already exceeded it's worth. Many people told me I cannot divorce because God hates it. But do they know that God speaks about divorce five different times in the bible. And one time God even says that he's going to divorce his church because of their unfaithfulness!

    And yet time and time again people want to quickly rattle off a Bible scripture and disregard the whole rest of the Bible.

    Here's a excerpt from the book that really spoke volumes to me. To ask, "Is divorce good or bad?" Is like asking, "is pulling this fire alarm good or bad?" If there's a fire pull it! That's what it's there for.

    So this book is for anybody that's contemplating a divorce in the middle of a divorce or I would even say just went through a divorce. It really backs it up biblically.

    All pastors should read this book so they have a proper perception of divorce but unfortunately a lot would never because it's a woman writing about it. As a man as a child of God if God can use a donkey to speak to Balaam he can certainly use a fearfully and wonderfully made woman to speak to his church.

    Gretchen thank you so much for your work that's life saving.
    Customer image
    5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing book for Christians to understand divorce
    Reviewed in the United States on August 7, 2023
    I'm only through three chapters if this book and it has already exceeded it's worth. Many people told me I cannot divorce because God hates it. But do they know that God speaks about divorce five different times in the bible. And one time God even says that he's going to divorce his church because of their unfaithfulness!

    And yet time and time again people want to quickly rattle off a Bible scripture and disregard the whole rest of the Bible.

    Here's a excerpt from the book that really spoke volumes to me. To ask, "Is divorce good or bad?" Is like asking, "is pulling this fire alarm good or bad?" If there's a fire pull it! That's what it's there for.

    So this book is for anybody that's contemplating a divorce in the middle of a divorce or I would even say just went through a divorce. It really backs it up biblically.

    All pastors should read this book so they have a proper perception of divorce but unfortunately a lot would never because it's a woman writing about it. As a man as a child of God if God can use a donkey to speak to Balaam he can certainly use a fearfully and wonderfully made woman to speak to his church.

    Gretchen thank you so much for your work that's life saving.
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    5 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2024
    I come from a background where divorce is not an option. After 11 years in a destructive marriage I’m finally getting the courage to at least consider this option. I’m not proud to be here but I know I’ve done everything possible to save my marriage. This book was extremely informative having no clue about the process, the biblical viewpoints & it wonderfully debunked a lot of things my mother has been holding over me that are extremely unfair (she supports my divorce but not remarrying & believes any future partner would automatically molest my kids—insert eye roll). I’m very thankful for this author. Breathe of much needed fresh air.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2021
    What does God say about divorce when my marriage feels unsafe? This book goes into detail about what the Bible actually says when verses are not taken out of context. The author is pro-marriage, but helps both men & women recognize if they are in an unsafe marriage and need a life-saving divorce. This includes years of study and research to help answer questions like “should o stay or should I go?” or “will my children be ok?”

    It’s refreshing to read a marriage/divorce book from an author who has no personal agenda, but just wants to share the truth of research and scripture to help Christians in tough situations understand when and why a life-saving divorce is ok.

    Notes from the author…”I am a Christian, and I am pro-marriage. I believe in the sanctity of marriage: God meant marriage to be loving, undefiled, and lifelong. I’m not interested in opening the floodgates and encouraging people to bail out of marriage.”

    This is a must-read for anyone struggling in their marriage, and also for pastors or friends of anyone in a difficult marriage.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2024
    This book helps me to understand and process the damaging effects of a narcissistic husband, and how to move forward in the decisions that will free me from this toxic abusive relationship. It explains the truth of what marriage can be and that I can find peace in knowing it isn’t my fault for someone else’s behavior.
    One person found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • Domestic Abuse Campaigner
    5.0 out of 5 stars Reaches the people most books on this theme don't, Male Domestic Abuse Victims
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 14, 2020
    I have great respect for Gretchen because while the book is largely about how women are so frequently treated badly in marriage, in contrast to some who go so far as to dismiss concerns about men as "whataboutery" she demonstrates how she regards anyone suffering abuse/violence/betrayal or serious neglect in a marriage/relationship as a victim, regardless of their gender. In Chapter 9 she states, "Men often feel shame about being abuse victims; they deserve to be heard, cared for and understood." Friends and relatives will learn from the men's stories. All too frequently it is a mother who observes how her son is being abused, or a sister becomes concerned about her brother and seeks help for him. Pastors, anyone in ministry, authors & theologians will learn from this book and the encouraging example Gretchen sets for those who seek an approach to the topic that better reflect's God's heart.
  • Stephanie
    4.0 out of 5 stars Overall, decent
    Reviewed in Canada on April 4, 2024
    Very thorough. Lots of personal stories which were helpful. However, the very nature of the book, it only shares stories where divorce was helpful—and that’s OK for every single case where that needs to be the case, but there is little in the way to acknowledge that God can and does even save desperate marriages. So, the book may skew some people’s perspective to choose to divorce when it may not be the only or best option. It’s a fine line to walk between having faith for God to do what only God can do (restoratively) and recognizing where to draw a line when every human effort to save a marriage and all prayers seem not to be answered affirmatively. Certainly, when choosing divorce really is the only option for life-saving reasons, by all means, the author is correct in detailing the biblical grounds with many helpful and practical suggestions. The content on what qualifies as abuse was also very helpful in my case. My only other issue with this book is that the author’s theological position seems more egalitarian than I would prefer, but nevertheless good content overall.
  • Sazd
    5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting and helpful
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 10, 2020
    A really good in depth look at why and when a divorce may be the best option!
    Dispelling many myths and using scripture to challenge our ideas
    I found it very helpful and practical
  • Barbara Crosier
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book - free yourself
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 15, 2020
    Helps get things in perspective.
    See through the spiritual abuse to recover sanity.
    Free yourself from false teachings, toxic patriarchy and marital slavery.

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